


Whom Gods Destroy

by ThisIsMyTruthTellMeYours



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Gen, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:07:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21879355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsMyTruthTellMeYours/pseuds/ThisIsMyTruthTellMeYours
Summary: The worst thing that could possibly happen to a girl happens to Bellatrix Black during her fifth year at Hogwarts. This is the story of how she started to become the mad Death Eater we know from the books. It is a story of loneliness and desolation, of friendship, fear, and sisterly love. This story deals with many difficult topics, including graphic descriptions of abuse, violence and emotional trauma. Teen pregnancy. Rated M.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER:** _The ideas are mine. The characters and everything that is in the Harry Potter Universe belong to J.K._

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_**This story deals with many difficult topics, including graphic descriptions of abuse and emotional trauma.** _

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It was April. The Easter holiday. School-age children all over Britain would be taking the Hogwarts Express back to school the following morning, after a much-welcomed break from their studies. Bellatrix Black didn't want to be at the Lestrange's mansion on her last day home, but her mother left her no other choice. Her family had arranged the marriage between Bella and the eldest of the Lestrange boys several years earlier, and the wedding was scheduled to occur as soon as the two of them graduated from Hogwarts. Bella had been invited to spend the day at Lestrange Manor, and now that she was sixteen years of age, her mother thought it improper for her to decline.

The girl protested vehemently against the idea, but none of her objections made the slightest difference against Druella's unbending will.

It was not like she didn't know what that wedding meant. The Blacks and the Lestranges were two of the noblest, most ancient wizard Houses in Europe, and yet, there had never been an alliance between them. There had been attempts in the past, multiple times, without success. Most recently, her aunt Walburga was meant to have married Rufus Lestrange, but when he passed away from dragon pox fever, it was decided she would marry her cousin Orion instead, in order to preserve the family name. The Lestranges, however, took offence. Rufus' older brother (Rodolphus' father) was already a widower by then and, according to the Lestranges, Walburga should have kept her commitment to their House, and married him in his brother's place. The thought made sense. Bella had no idea why the family decided to challenge the Lestranges in that matter. She was sure it could not have been her aunt's decision, she had such respect for the family and their traditions… Whatever the reason, in angered the Lestranges and that feud had lasted for many years. There had been no rest from the hostilities until Bella's betrothal to Rodolphus was announced.

That wasn't all. The world was changing. The Lestranges seemed to be in a particularly favourable position in the new Order. They had powerful connections, the kind of connections that the Black lacked, in spite of their long and respectable line. For Cygnus, and for the rest of their family, marrying a daughter of the Black clan into such a well-connected pure-blood family was a most desirable outcome. Everyone was looking forward to it.

Everyone, that is, except for Bellatrix. Rodolphus Lestrange was little more than a stranger to her. They were both fifth-year students at Hogwarts, and they were both Slytherins, but that was as far as the similarities went. Rodolphus was far from a brilliant student, and Bella was at the top of her class. His younger brother, Rabastan had been practising to try out for the Slytherin Quidditch next year, when their seeker graduated, but Rodolphus had never shown any interest in the sport. As a matter of fact, he didn't seem to be interested in anything at all. He certainly had never shown any interest in getting to know Bella.

Not that she minded very much. Their betrothal had been arranged by their families and her thoughts on the boy didn't count for very much. It was the way it was supposed to be, she assumed, and she was willing to perform her duty, as generations of Black women had done before her. It was not like she was interested in any other boy. Prior to that year, Bella had never been interested in boys at all. Sometimes she pretended to be, when the other girls in her dorm were talking about it, but she was a late bloomer in that regard. Her best friends in the world were her sisters, and they were both younger than she was. They never talked about such things.

It was only very recently that things had started to change. She started looking at boys differently. She never used to notice how tall the Hufflepuff Captain was, or the way Kyle Bloom's hair fell over his eyes when they were handling Fanged Geraniums in the greenhouses. But even after she started looking at boys that way, it was never Rodolphus she was looking at. She wondered if that would ever change. Perhaps she would grow to care for him when they were married. Or perhaps, she considered, thinking about her parents, caring about each other was never meant to be part of such an arrangement.

Narcissa wasn't thrilled about Bella being away at the Lestrange's place either. The idea of her sister being alone with that boy made her nervous. Rodolphus was a bully and a bore. He seemed to enjoy intimidating younger students, and Cissy had watched as he made it his life's mission to terrify little Timothy Meadowes. Timothy was a boy in her year. He was a sweet and gentle boy, and he often partnered up with Cissy for their assignments in Herbology class. His blood was as pure as Rodolphus', but his family was not as ancient, and he didn't have any other brothers or cousins who could protect him from the older boy. Cissy had helped him to clean himself up one time when Rodolphus and his friends had flushed Timothy's head for no other reason than that they could. She came to despise Lestrange, and she hated the idea of him being betrothed to her eldest sister.

Be that as it may, Bella was the strongest, most intelligent witch her age. Surely, there was nothing Rodolphus could do to her. She was not as helpless as little Timothy. And it was only for one night. Everything would be fine.

The next morning, she couldn't wait to be with her sister again. They would meet at the train station. The Lestranges were taking her there. As soon as they got out of the large fireplace people used to floo into Platform nine and three quarters, she looked around, to check if Bella was already there.

Andromeda had other things on her mind, and she was gone before Cissy could even see where she went, with Sirius on her heels. He had to wait until September before he could go to school with them, but Andy had promised to give him a peek at the Hogwarts Express before it left. Cissy didn't expect to see her again anytime soon. Andy had a lot of friends from Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. She was probably going to socialise them during the trip.

As it turned out, Bella was standing by one of the rear wagons next to a stout old man. Rodolphus and Rabastan were there also, and Cissy concluded that the man must be their father. Even from that distance, Bertrand Lestrange looked scary to her and she didn't like the way he had his hand on Bella's shoulder.

Bellatrix looked ill. Maybe it wasn't something anyone could spot at first sight, but Cissy and her sister had always had a special connection, a bond beyond simple friendship. She knew there was something wrong.

Bella was beautiful, arguably the most beautiful of the three Black sisters. Her hair was long and it cascaded down her back in dark curls; she was tall and lean, and there was something in her air and manner of walking that set her apart. She was a true daughter of the nobility and her straight, proud posture would make that obvious to anyone oblivious enough not to know her last name.

That day, however, something was not quite right. Her shoulders were hunched, her hair was unkempt and there were dark rings around her eyes as if she had not been able to conceal sleep all night. As soon as her eyes met those of her sister, Bella wheeled the cart with her trunk faster, putting as much distance as she could between herself and her soon-to-be-father-in-law. Narcissa hugged her, and the way Bella embraced her left no doubt that something was seriously wrong.

The two girls made haste to get aboard the train. They got into the first empty compartment they found, and Bella closed the door.

"Where's Andy?"

Her voice was hesitant and hoarse. It gave Cissy the chills. Bellatrix looked crestfallen and seedy. It was truly heartbreaking.

"I don't know… She was going to show Sirius what the train is like on the inside…" Cissy said, but then she considered that the train was about to leave, and Sirius was probably back on the platform with his father. "Maybe she went to find her friends. Those boys were talking to her… Hufflepuff boys, I think… Do you want me to get her?"

"No," Bella answered quickly, grabbing Cissy's hand in hers as if she was afraid to be left alone. She sank back on her seat, avoiding the window. Like something on the Platform scared her. Like she was eager to get away.

Cissy gave her sister's hand a little squeeze. She did not understand what was going on, and before she could think of anything to say, the train started picking up steam. Bella let go of her hand.

They were quiet like that for a while. As soon as they were clear from the platform, however, Cissy noticed the tears falling from Bella's eyes.

"Bella? Bella, what happened? What's wrong?" she asked urgently, but there was no response.

Bellatrix was falling apart.

She was crying. Sobbing and trembling in a strange mix of pain, relief and despair. Her entire body was shaking. Locks of her long, dark hair fell over her eyes, and she did not even bother to wipe away the tears. There was too much. Far too much. She had no choice but to let them come.

"Did they do something to you? What did they do, Bella?"

She was sobbing uncontrollably now.

"What did they do?"

Bella shook her head 'no'.

"Bella? Bella, please talk to me, you're scaring me." Cissy pleaded.

It was that, the fear in the voice of her baby sister, which made Bella regain some of her control. She shook her head 'no' again, breathing deeply and trying to stop crying. She shook her head 'no' again.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go get Andy?"

"No," Bella said urgently, trying to wipe away her tears without much success, "no, cissy, please don't go away, please stay with me."

Cissy nodded quietly. She wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm sorry, Cissy, it's nothing."

"If it was nothing, you wouldn't be like this. Talk to me."

The older girl went on shaking her head and taking deep breaths, trying to calm down again. She was never going to tell anyone about what had happened, much less her baby sister. She couldn't do that to her. She wouldn't.

"Bella…" Cissy insisted.

Bella just shook her head no again.

"You don't want to talk about it right now?" Cissy ventured.

She shook her head again.

Cissy bit her lower lip.

"Could we just…" Bella started, in a rough, hunted voice, "could you just stay here with me?"

Cissy nodded again. She reached out to touch Bellatrix' forearm but the older girl recoiled. The movement displaced her long sleeves, exposing a purple bruise right where Cissy had tried to touch her.

"Bella!" Cissy sounded alarmed.

The girls looked each other in the eye for a moment. And Bella broke down again.

"Bella please tell me, what did that boy do to you?"

"It wasn't just Rodolphus," she replied.

And she told Cissy everything.

Once she started, she could not stop. Something about her sister seeing the bruise on her arm had dropped all of her defences. She was completely vulnerable, completely exposed.

She told Cissy about how dull the entire day at the Lestrange property had been.

Rodolphus had given her a tour of the property. He had shown her the main library and the drawing-room; the large parlour, the balcony and an ample corridor at the top of the main staircase decorated with large paintings of important historical events. Then he had taken her to the kitchen – an impressive place, twice as large as what they had at her home and the house-elf offered her freshly baked cookies, which Bellatrix was happy to accept.

When Rodolphus took her to see the indoor winter garden, a door stood ajar. She barely caught a glimpse of the small boy hiding on the other side before it snapped shut.

"Rabastan," Rodolphus explained. "He isn't usually this shy."

Bella had seen Rabastan at school. He was also a Slytherin, in Cissy's year.

"Rabastan loves the gardens," Rodolphus continued, playing with the leaves of a plant nearby. "I think he misses our mother. I remember she used to spend a lot of time tending to the plants. This garden was her favourite place."

Bella could understand that. If she lived in that old house, that garden would have been her favourite spot as well. Lestrange manor was exactly what she expected. It was a tall and old stone building, the kind of building that was built to make one feel small. The works of art decorating the walls were precious – treasures accumulated over generations of Lestranges, but many of the rooms needed airing, and the house was too quiet. It lacked life.

Rodolphus, on the other hand, was a welcome surprise. Bellatrix was seeing a completely new side of him that day. At school, he often seemed selfish and self-absorbed. She would never have guessed he cared so deeply about his little brother, and she had never thought about his mother. She asked him about her, but he did not remember much. Her name was Lyra Lestrange. She was not a Black, but she was Bellatrix' second cousin on her father's side, which was not particularly surprising. There were ties of blood and loyalty binding together all of the oldest pureblood families. Ties like the ones her own marriage was supposed to help form.

That afternoon was the first time Bella entertained the notion that Rodolphus and herself might come to develop genuine affection for each other, in time. She supposed she had always hoped that might be the case, although she had never dared to share those thoughts with anybody, not even her sisters. Deep in her heart, she knew it didn't matter. She would abide by her parent's decision no matter what. They were a respectable, wealthy pure-blood family, and she was a Black. The surname came with its witchcrafts.

Later that they, she had dinner with Rodolphus' extended family.

In many ways, the Lestranges were similar to the Blacks, and the dinner didn't feel that much different from her own family reunions, except that almost everything at the table was French. Bella was placed Between Rodolphus' aunt and his father. The woman explained to Bella everything she knew about the intricacies of preparing beef bourguignon and the wealth of ingredients it contained. It was fortunate that she kept such a lively conversation because her brother, at the head of the table, on the other side of Bella was entirely the opposite of her.

Bertrand Lestrange was a frightening man. He was tall and broad, particularly in the shoulders and he had a stern expression on his brow. Twice over the course of the day, Bella spotted him watching her from the windows of the Manor, while Rodolphus showed her the property. It was an unsettling feeling, being under his gaze. They were at the dinner table for more than an hour, but he hardly said a word. She noticed the way he studied his guests, and the disapproving look he cast on Rabastan when the boy accidentally placed his elbow inside the béchamel sauce bow.

After dinner, Bellatrix claimed to be indisposed and asked for permission to retire to her bedroom. All she really wanted was to be by herself for a while. She doubted she would be able to sleep in any strange house, let alone a dismal place such as that haunted manor. She changed into her nightgown, but while the girl brushed her hair the door was opened, by someone who didn't bother to knock or announce his presence.

The portly figure of Rodolphus' father stood at her door. And Bella's tears fell free when she remembered it. It was a disgusting mental picture that wouldn't go away, the old man there, his unshaven grizzly beard, his expensive robes exuding the smell of that filthy pipe.

"He was in your room after you retired to bed?" Narcissa's voice had an unmistakable tone of indignation. Even their father would never visit their rooms after they had gone to bed. "That's not the way of a gentleman."

"No," Bella said. "It's not."

She couldn't bring herself to repeat the exact words of her future father-in-law, though she remembered every second of the previous night. There are rules at the Lestrange's manor, he had said. The father had to approve the bride of his son. In every aspect.

"I am sorry, Mr Lestrange," she remembered saying, and she was sure her voice was shaking then. Her entire body felt tense. "I have to say goodnight. I am not feeling well."

"What is the problem little thing?"

"It's—It's—" she was distracted by the coarseness of his finger on the side of her face. "It's a girl problem, sir," she said quickly.

"Oh, really?" he asked in a low voice. Then he pulled the girl towards him with one arm and shoved his right hand into her undergarments. Bella screamed. She felt the abrasive touch of his calloused fingers all over her. She felt it like an invasion, touching her where she had never been touched before.

She stood, frozen when he pulled his hand away from her, lifting it to his face and then to the light.

"No woman problem after all," he concluded.

Bellatrix looked away when she told her sister that. She was so ashamed. She tried to explain, but the words would not come to her.

"He told Rodolphus this was the first lesson of his married life," the girl said, covering her face, "Rodolphus was standing there the whole time. He said that we… that women lie about these things all the time. But I didn't… I did… I just wanted him to stay away."

Cissy held her sister's hand and gave it a little squeeze. She could see Bella was embarrassed about having been caught in a lie, on top of everything else that she was feeling. She was embarrassed about having even touched on such a private topic with an older man, and Cissy understood that. She wanted Bella to know she understood that. Bella held on to her sister's hand.

Up until that point, she had not realized Rodolphus was watching the whole thing.

"You are a pretty thing in these clothes," the old man pointed at her nightgown. "What do you look like without them?"

And just like that, he ripped her nightgown out of her body.

Bella screamed. He laughed.

She used her arms to cover her chest as well as she could, tripping over her own feet as she walked backwards, trying to stay away from the old man, but it was no use. She tried to reach out for her wand, but he disarmed her. She tried to defend herself, but he barely even felt her strikes. He pushed her onto the bed and used a spell to force her to open her arms and stay quiet while he looked at her.

It was the most terrifying thing that had ever happened to her. She had never felt so vulnerable, so invaded as when he stood above her, looking at her, examining every inch of her body. She struggled to cover herself up, but the spell held her limbs in place as if invisible ropes had tied her to the bed. He touched her, and she felt like she was going to pass out.

He never used his wand to silence her. It was as if he enjoyed the sound of her screams.

It was just touching and looking, Bellatrix thought, it was not a big deal, she insisted, trying more than anything to believe her own words.

But when he was finished, he told Rodolphus to get closer. And Rodolphus did a lot more than his father.

"She's yours, son. Make sure the Blacks can't go back on their promise this time," he said.

And Rodolphus did make sure of that. He took something away from Bella that she could never have back. But she couldn't tell her sister that. Remembering it was shameful enough. Saying it out loud was unbearable.

"Bella…" Cissy started, but the look on her sister's face made her stop at once. Bella shook her head violently, biting her lip and looking away.

She remembered everything. She remembered the panic, the doubts, the repeated screams of 'no', 'stop', and 'don't' that came out of her mouth. She remembered the way he punched her in the stomach when she tried to fight back, the way he held her down, the way he overpowered her. She remembered every unfamiliar touch, every gesture, every scent that was inside that room. Her body was still sore in the places where he touched her. In many ways, she could still feel him against her. The pain and the shame of it all… It was too much.

Cissy threw her arms around her big sister, pulling her closer for an embrace. Bella was sobbing desperately, but this time there were also tears in Cissy's bright blue eyes. She wanted, more than anything to protect Bella, to make her pain go away.

"It hurt so much," Bella said, quietly, and Cissy held her tighter.

"Bella, do you want me to talk to Father?"

"No!" she said, pulling away from her sister's arms and sitting up as straight as she could, "Cissy, you can't!"

"He can't make you marry Rodolphus now, not after this! He simply can't!"

"You don't understand, that is what they wanted! I have to… They took… I am not…" she couldn't finish a single sentence, her heart was racing so fast. "No, Cissy, you can't tell, him, you can't tell anyone! Promise me, promise me you will never tell anyone about this! I don't want anybody to know that I am—That I am—"

"I promise," Cissy said quickly, realizing how much it pained Bella to finish that thought. "I won't tell anybody, Bella, I promise."

They were quiet for a while. Bella rubbed her eyes, trying to wipe her tears away.

"I am sorry, Cissy," she said quietly.

"Bella, this is not your fault… It's his fault, that hideous boy and his entire family…"

"I am sorry I told you. You are just thirteen years old, I didn't want to… I had no right… I couldn't stop myself, I am sorry. I don't know what is happening to me."

She felt genuinely guilty about that. She was the eldest daughter. It was her duty to protect her younger sister, not to bring her into her mess.

"I am glad you told me," Cissy said quietly, holding her big sister in her arms and kissing her forehead softly. Bella had always taken care of her when she needed. She wanted to do the same. She was not a baby anymore and she wanted her sister to know that.

Bella sighed. She hated that her little sister had seen her like that. She had never felt so dirty… So… weak… So used… But she couldn't bring herself to walk away from her sister's embrace. It had been the worst night of her life, and it was the first time since she first set foot in that dreadful manor that she felt loved.

Cissy hated the Lestranges with more power than she ever thought she had inside her. She hated that spoiled boy for not defending her sister, she hated the way they had hurt her. And she hated her parents for putting Bella in that situation.

Bella's story gave Cissy a lot to think about. It made her think about things that had never even crossed her mind before. She understood precisely what Rodolphus had done to Bella, even if her sister had never used all the words. She understood why Bella was scared to tell their parents, and she was terrified that her fears might be proven right. That they would still make her marry the Lestrange boy, even if they knew everything that had just happened. She was terrified that they would think this was even more reason for them to get married soon.

Cissy was aware her mother was thinking about arranging her own marriage to Rabastan. The thought of being alone in that house, much like Bella had been, frightened her to her very soul.

They spent most of the afternoon in silence, each girl immersed in her own thoughts. But at some point, before they arrived at Hogsmeade station, Cissy pointed out they should probably change into their uniforms.

Bella looked up until their eyes met. When she spoke, there was embarrassment in her voice.

"I think I need some help," she said, with barely a sound, looking down again.

"Okay," Cissy agreed, and she locked the door of the compartment before helping Bella get out of her clothes.

It didn't take long for her to understand why Bella needed help. She helped her sister remove her shirt slowly because she seemed to feel pain with the slightest movement of her right arm, and when the shirt finally came off, she realized Bella was full of bruises.

Cissy's jaw dropped.

There were dark purple patches on Bella's arms and her stomach. Her back was full of scratches. There was one particularly large bruise on her lower stomach that made it difficult for her to bend over to put on her skirt and her socks.

"Ouch," Bella let out a little moan when Cissy accidentally bumped her arm against one of the sore spots on Bella's side.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, "here, hold my shoulder." She guided Bella's hand to her shoulders while she lowered her sister's pants all the way to the floor of the compartment and helped her put on the skirt of her uniform.

Hurt as she was, she kept trying to cover herself up, pulling her shirt down and placing her free hand in front of the space between her thighs despite the fact that there was only her and her sister in the compartment.

She sat down again while Cissy tied her shoes.

By the time the train parked, they were ready, and they went out together, to look for one of the stagecoaches to take them to the castle. Andromeda was waiting for them outside.

She realized there was something wrong with Bella the minute she laid eyes on her sister.

"What-?"

Cissy shook her head, warning Andy not to continue.

"But—"

"Not now, Andy. Let's get a coach."

Had they been coming back from summer break they would probably have to share their coach with a fourth student, but there weren't so many kids who chose to go home that Easter, and there was plenty of threstral propelled coaches so they could have one all for themselves. As soon as they were inside, heading to the school, Andromeda spoke again.

"What happened, Bella?"

"Nothing," Bella replied, looking out the window.

Andy looked at Cissy inquiringly.

Cissy looked at Bella.

"Let go, Andy, okay? Where were you anyway?" Bella asked angrily.

Andy didn't answer. The two sisters were at odds with one another, they had been at odds for months now. Bellatrix didn't approve Andy's choice of friends, and Andy didn't approve what she saw as Bella's subservience when it came to the whims of their family. Bella had seen Andromeda kissing a boy that came from a muggle family, and she threatened to tell their parents all about it.

Bellatrix knew Andromeda had probably spent the afternoon with her friends, and it hurt her deeply that Andy had not been there for her when she needed her.

It was a little unfair to blame Andy for that… Cissy was sure that, had she known what had happened, Andy would have done anything in her power to help their elder sister… But Bella had the right to be a little unfair. She had been through so much… The first thing Bella did when they got on the train was to ask after Andromeda. In spite of all of their arguments, all of their disagreements, Bella asked for Andy. And Andy had not been there.

Cissy gave Andy a meaningful look, warning her not to push the matter any further. This was not the time to be stubborn. This was not about her. Blissfully, her sister understood.

"Okay," Andy conceded. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

She was perceptive enough however not to walk away from her sisters when the stagecoach stopped.

When they went into the Great Hall, Bella sat between her two sisters. The problem was that Rodolphus saw fit to sit right across from her at the Slytherin table.

Cissy closed her fingers around her wand in her pocket, wishing for the first time that she knew some non-verbal spells so she could hex that monstrous boy.

"Good evening, Black," Rodolphus greeted her, with a large smile. "I hope you enjoyed your stay at our manor last evening. You didn't even say goodbye before boarding the train. My father was… displeased."

Bella's jaw clenched, and she felt a hard ball forming in her throat.

"Get away from her, Rodolphus," Cissy said angrily, pointing her wand at him.

"Or what?" he laughed, picking up his own wand. "What could a second-year kid possibly do to harm me?"

"Do not threaten my sister," Bella said, standing up.

Andromeda stood up also.

"Lower your wand, now, Lestrange."

"I am not afraid of a dirty blood traitor, Black."

"What is happening here?" Professor Horace Slughorn said, rushing to the focus of the ado. "Lower your wands, lower your wands, duels are not permitted in the Great Hall, certainly not at mealtimes…"

The four of them lowered their wands. They had begun to attract looks from the other tables as well.

"Is everything alright, girls?" he asked the Black sisters. He was very fond of the girls, and Bella, in particular, was his favourite.

They did not answer, though.

"Perhaps you should find someplace else to sit, Rodolphus," the potions master suggested. He wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but if he had to guess, he would bet money Rodolphus was the one instigating the situation.

"Fine," Lestrange said. "We'll be married soon anyway, Black, then your sisters won't be able to keep you away from me."

"Detention!" Slughorn roared, "detention, that's what you deserve! You will scrub the floor of the infirmary three times a week for a month! Without magic! Poppy was just complaining she needed some help with the cleaning… Now, off you go. Go sit over there and stop making trouble. Don't make me take points out of my own house so soon after the Easter break.

When both the professor and Lestrange had gone away, the girls sat down again. "Bella, don't you want to eat something? We didn't have anything on the train…"

"I'm not hungry…" Bella said quietly, "I want to get away from here."

"I'll take you," Cissy offered.

Bella hesitated. She didn't want to be alone, but she knew her sister was probably hungry…

"You can go," Andromeda said, her eyes on the far side of the table, the place where Lestrange was sitting "I'll take something up for Cissy later."

"Thank you," Cissy said quietly, and she and Bella made their way to the dungeons before anyone else could stop them.

Bellatrix went straight to the shower. She was happy to have a chance to use the shower before anybody arrived, and she spent a long time under the water, scrubbing herself as well as she could, washing her hair and her face multiple times. She wanted so badly to feel clean…

She fell asleep almost as soon as she laid down on her bed. She was exhausted.

Cissy remained in the common room for a long time, waiting for Andromeda to come down. When she arrived, they sat in a removed corner of the room, a place where they could speak in private.

"I know Rodolphus did something to her," Andromeda said, gravely.

Cissy watched her sister for a moment. She was not sure Andy really knew what had happened to Bella, but it wasn't her secret to tell.

"You don't have to be afraid, you know?" Andromeda insisted, handing Cissy a mug of hot chocolate, "you don't have to let that happen to you."

"What do you mean?"

"If our parents were not so blind with pride, if they weren't so eager to marry her off to a Lestrange, Bella would never have gone to their house and nothing would ever have happened," she said angrily. "I will not let that happen to me. I will not let them thrust their beliefs upon me, forcing me to marry someone I could never love. And you don't have to let them do that to you either."

It was difficult to challenge Andromeda's words, particularly now, when Cissy was so angry at her parents. She had been questioning herself about those things all afternoon, but she couldn't help feeling like Andromeda was using what had happened to advance her own rebellion towards their family. She couldn't stand that.

"You're a Black, Andromeda. I am a Black. Bella always said that had to come first."

"Yes, and look what happened to her."

"What are you saying? Are you saying this was her fault?"

Andromeda stared Cissy in the eyes for a moment.

"No," she said, finally. "Of course not."

The two girls fell silent for a long time. It was Andromeda who broke the silence when she stood up to go to bed.

"Everything will be fine, Cissy. You'll see."

How little she knew.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER:** _The ideas are mine. The characters and everything that is in the Harry Potter Universe belong to J.K._

* * *

Bellatrix woke suddenly. According to the position of the planets on the alarm clock on her bed stand, it was early; at least two hours before the time she usually would have woken up. Something wasn't quite right.

It took her a while to figure out what was wrong. She was sweating. Her body felt cold. There was a cramping pain in her abdomen that made her twist in her bed. She took a couple of deep breaths, hoping, against all reason that the feeling would just go away. It did not. She felt different in her throat, her chest, her belly, and she simply could not explain it. Then there was a light burning sensation on her stomach and she thought she was going to be sick.

What is happening to me? Bella thought, curling up on her side and closing her fists on her sheets. _I am not going to get sick. I am not going to get sick. I am not going to get sick_. She repeatedly thought to herself, almost like a mantra. Then her stomach seized again, pain washing over her like a wave and she ran to the bathroom as fast as she could.

She had barely entered the bathroom when she gagged violently on the floor. Hoping more than anything that no one had heard her, Bellatrix closed the door and leaned back against it, taking a couple of seconds to breathe easily again.

"Evanesco", she murmured, cleaning up the mess she had just made. She was thankful, more than anything that she'd managed to grab her wand before running to the bathroom, almost like a reflex.

Her legs were shaking. She walked up to the sink to wash her face, before going back to bed. The worst seemed to have passed.

She had barely reached her bed though, and she felt something strange in her stomach again. This time she did not wait, she walked back to the bathroom straight away, and her knees collapsed in front of the nearest toilet before she could even close the stall's door. Once again, she gagged violently, feeling the contents of her stomach burning all the way up as she expelled the liquid from her body. Once again, she tried to calm down with deep breaths, slumping back against the stone wall of the bathroom stall, but this time she was fully aware that the pain in her stomach had not entirely ceased.

She had heard stories about this, but she never thought it would happen to her. It was the first week of June, after all. Fifth-year students no longer counted the time before their O.W.L.s in months, but in weeks, and every other day there was a story about a student who had collapsed under the pressure. Last week, that Ravenclaw girl passed out in the Library because she forgot to eat for an entire day, and before that some Gryffindor mudblood had ended up in the infirmary vomiting his brains out on account of a nervous breakdown. Could the same thing be happening to her?

Bellatrix felt weak.

She was only happy she managed to get out of her dormitory before any of the other girls woke up. She could not afford to have anyone else know that she was breaking down under the pressure of the exams.

The uneasy feeling in her stomach ceased after about ten or twelve minutes, and she felt like she could stand again. She was no longer dizzy. She brushed her teeth to get rid of the sour taste in her mouth and went back to bed as silently as she could, but there was no going back to sleep after that. She tossed and turned for another half hour and decided to get up and head to the common room, where she could start revising her notes for the Transfiguration exam.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The next morning, it happened again. She woke up early, two hours earlier than she would have liked, and she felt her stomach seizing again. She went to the bathroom straight away this time, her heart racing, and she felt violently ill for several minutes before she was herself again. That morning she did not have breakfast. Perhaps that would help.

She thought about visiting the infirmary, but she really did not want to do that. It was bad enough that her body was betraying her in such a way, she did not want the entire school to hear about it, and lately, the school was flooded with rumours whenever a fifth-year visited Madam Pomfrey with some sort of O.W.L.-related ailment.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Every morning, the searing pains in her abdomen would wake her up, like clockwork. She tried brewing a potion to control nausea once, but it had no effect. So, every morning, it happened again. She resisted for as long as she could, at first, curling up around her middle, hoping the pain would go away on its own this time, and when she couldn't resist anymore, she walked to the bathroom, as quietly as she could, feeling dizzy, nauseous, trembling, and soaking in sweat. She would cast a sound muffling spell on the door, for privacy, and kneel down on the floor. Then she was violently ill for twelve to fifteen minutes, sometimes more, before she could straighten herself up again, rinse her mouth and start her day.

Before this started happening, she hadn't even realized she was so nervous about her exams. She had been distracted. There was so much going on in addition to her O.W.L.s. She had not moved past what had happened on her Easter Break. She wanted not to think about it, she wanted it desperately, but sometimes, when her mind wandered, she still caught herself thinking about that day, wondering about what that day had made of her. On top of all that, her O.W.L.s were just around the corner, and she hadn't exactly done her best when it came to reviewing the material for the exams. Perhaps it was not that strange that her body was feeling the pressure.

Be that as it may, the awareness of the extent to which her body was affected was not doing anything to make things better. She felt weak, and Bellatrix was not accustomed to feeling this way. She got sick one afternoon after eating a piece of rhubarb pie, and she decided to skip dinner that day. She skipped meals often, and when she did eat at all, she never had much. She was often light-headed and tired, although she could not say if it had to do with the pressure of the exams or the lack of proper nourishment.

Fortunately, most teachers had given the fifth years the rest of the term to study up until the exams, so she barely had any classes to attend anymore. She never had to worry about feeling sick in the middle of a class. She spent every waking hour studying, in the hope that the intensity of her preparations would soothe her nerves and make those uncomfortable pains fade away.

The evening before their first exam was a quiet one. Nobody spoke much, and most students ate with gusto, having spent the whole day studying. Bellatrix, on the other hand, had only a piece of toast and a mug of tea. She was aware she was losing weight, but she had an exam early the next morning and the last thing she wanted was to get sick in the middle of the test.

Overall, it was a miserable couple of weeks. She did well on her Charms and Transfiguration exams, as well as Herbology, but she committed a few mistakes in the translation portion of her Ancient Runes written exam. The practical portions of the exams were particularly challenging. She was constantly tired, and she had to concentrate twice as hard to produce the spells the examiners asked for. She failed to produce a shield charm in her DADA exam, for instance, and she was sure she could not have gotten more than an A in her Care of Magical Creatures exam. However, she managed to do well in her Astronomy exam, and in the written portion of the Potions test. Then, on the last day, things started to go south.

Bellatrix had not had an easy time on Thursday morning, during the practical portion of her Potions exam. The examiners had each student prepare a different concoction, and the mix of all the fumes in the dungeon made her feel queasy. She rushed through her exam in order to get out of there as soon as possible. As a result, her draught of peace was not exactly the bright snow-white colour it should have been, but she bottled it up and handed it in anyway. She barely had an hour to lie down before the History of Magic exam that afternoon.

Bella walked into the great hall as soon as the great wooden doors were open and found it exactly as it had been for every written exam for the past couple of weeks. The four House tables had been removed and replaced with many tables for one, enough to accommodate every fifth and seventh-year student in the school, all facing the staff-table and the end of the hall, in which an enormous hourglass lay, the one that marked the time they had to finish the exam.

At first, the exam was surprisingly simple. She was able to discuss the medieval witch-hunts at length for the first couple of essay questions, and then there was a large portion of the exam dedicated to goblin rebellions, giant wars and centaur revolutions. Then, halfway through the test, she realized there was something wrong, but it was difficult to pinpoint what it was. She felt tired, and it was hard to concentrate. She was sweating and her breath was shallow, but she told herself that it must have been her nerves acting out again, that she had to power through and finish the test.

Another hour went by. In spite of her discomfort, she felt confident. She had answered every question up to that point. Nevertheless, she was aware that she was not getting any better. Then, in the middle of a question about Paracelsus, Bellatrix started to feel a cramping pain in her lower abdomen, like a fist closing up inside of her. The pain surprised her. She smeared the page with her pen quill and struggled to focus on her exam. Then it went away, as suddenly as it had started.

A few minutes later, the pain came back, this time, radiating from her lower back. It was a familiar type of pain, and it made sense. It was probably her time of the month, Bella thought, staring at the parchment on her desk and biting her lower lip. She had been so distracted lately she had not realized she was supposed to have gotten it weeks ago. She wondered if the stress she had been feeling could have anything to do with that. Her body was a mess. _But this is the last exam_ , she thought to herself. After this one, everything would get better.

She read the next question several times without absorbing anything more than the first few words. There were two hours left on the exam, and she was worried she would bleed through her clothes. If only she could go to the loo and check… But it was not permitted to leave the Great Hall in the middle of an exam, barring very few exceptions, and she didn't feel she could explain her situation to Professor Slughorn, anyway.

Forty-five minutes before the test was over, it started to get worse. _This is so inconvenient_ , she thought, painfully aware of the uncomfortable wetness between her thighs. Just a little bit longer, she thought to herself.

The girl finished the last few questions as well as she was able, working between the waves of pain. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair trying to find a better position, but it was futile. She knew she wasn't doing a great job in the last portion of her exam, but it was pointless to worry about it now. Only ten minutes to go.

Another wave of pain hit her, and Bella started to get scared. Her cramps had never been this bad before. Bellatrix leaned her forehead against the top of the desk for a moment and wrapped her abdomen with her left arm as discreetly as she could, as if that gesture could make the pain vanish away somehow. What would happen when the exam was over? She wondered. Would anyone see anything when she stood up to leave?

Five minutes to go. Then Four. Then three. The sound of quills furiously scratching parchment all around her got a little louder, but she was not paying attention. In the final minute of the exam, another bad wave of pain hit her, and she lowered her head, laying her forehead on the top of her desk, clenching her body as much as she could without attracting anyone's attention.

When the time was finally up, Professor Slughorn summoned the parchments and more than a hundred rolls zoomed into the air and landed into the Potion Master's outstretched arms. Almost immediately, there was the sound of desks scratching the floor as a number of students stood up and collected their belongings to leave. At the same time, a soft rumble began to grow as more and more students walked up to their friends and started comparing notes on the exam they had just taken.

Bellatrix moved more slowly at first. She took a couple of deep breaths before standing up and placing her satchel in such a way that it covered the back of her skirt. She took a quick glance to her desk chair to make sure everything was okay and walked out of the Great Hall as fast as she could, avoiding everyone who might have wanted to talk to her on the way.

The young witch made her way to the girl's bathroom on the second floor, the one nobody ever used anymore. She used a secret passageway behind the tapestry that hung by the entrance to the dungeons, and it took her less than a minute to get there and lock herself in one of the stalls. The wetness she felt earlier was indeed blood, she realized, but there wasn't much at all. Not enough to go through her skirt, in any case. Bella didn't understand. The pain was so bad, and it was the first day, she thought there would be more…

She lost the strength in her legs as another wave of sharp cramps hit her, and she sat down, wrapping both arms around her middle as if squeezing her abdomen could make the pain go away. Why would the pain be so bad this time?

Then it occurred to her… A possibility that frightened her to her very core. Something she hadn't really thought about, something she dismissed, on her first week back to school after that horrifying night at Lestrange Manor. If she was… No, it was not possible. Was it?

Bellatrix felt like crying. She wished she was not alone, but who could she talk to? Cissy was far too young to understand this, and Andromeda and she were not on speaking terms. There was no way she was ever going to discuss anything like this with Professor Slughorn, the head of her house, and she sure was not about to go down to the infirmary. There was not anybody else.

Bella pulled up her knees hugged them, pulling them close to her body and waited for it all to be over.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Later that night, Bellatrix was sitting on the floor of the prefect's bathroom on the fifth floor, stirring a sparkling potion in a small cauldron. Her hair was wet. She had just showered. It was just after two in the morning, and she was all alone.

She picked up the small book that laid open next to the cauldron and mouthed the words as she read the fifth line of instructions for the third time. She had never prepared this potion before. She had never even known there was such a thing as this potion before… She lowered the fire, according to the instructions in the small book, and waited. The potion needed to cook for eleven minutes before she proceeded to the final step.

The painful cramps in her abdomen had ceased. The bleeding had stopped. It wasn't her time of the month after all. Which meant she was late. Several weeks late… And Bella thought she had an idea of why that could be.

She thought about it a couple of weeks after she was back at Hogwarts. After that dreadful night at Lestrange Manor. Once the trauma and the shock diminished, she worried about it, as perhaps any girl who had been through what she had would worry, but she quickly dismissed those thoughts. After all, she did not feel any different. Surely she would feel different If there was a seed growing inside her, right?

A different girl might have worried when she started feeling sick in the morning, about a month and a half after the Easter holiday, but Bellatrix had never known that that was something that might happen. She had only the vaguest notion of how things worked, and in her mind, it was much more natural to attribute those symptoms to the upcoming exams.

Bella was not naïve, but she did not know much about those things. Her sisters were both younger than she was, and she never had any close girlfriends to talk to. She never listened to the conversations of older girls. Her mother would never have talked about such things. She remembered, as if it were yesterday, how scared she was when she realized she had started bleeding. No one had prevented her that that might happen someday. And it was not her mother she went to for help. It was her aunt, Walburga.

Aunt Walburga, Bella thought fondly, wishing more than anything she could have her aunt with her right now. She remembered how tender her aunt had been with her, how protected she felt in her embrace. Aunt Walburga explained to Bella what was happening to her. She explained the basic facts about reproduction. She told Bella she could ask any questions she wanted, but Bella had been so shy at the time… Besides, it all seemed so… scary. She thought she would not have to worry about any of that until she was married.

She was worried about it now. Bella had spent the first part of her evening at the library, searching for books that might help her understand what was happening to her, and indeed, there was a small stack of those books next to her as she waited for the potion to be ready.

The books described her symptoms with precision. Morning sickness, they called it. It was supposed to be one of the first signs. That and the fact that she was late. The thought of it made Bella feel like fainting. If it was true, it could destroy her entire future. But perhaps there was hope. The pain, the bleeding. The books talked about that as well… Perhaps the whole problem was over before it even started.

Eleven minutes. The potion was ready, a beautiful purple colour. Only one more step now.

Bellatrix breathed deeply, cut out a lock of her hair and dropped it into the small cauldron. She watched as the purple liquid engulfed the hair and lay still for a few moments until it finally released a puff of purple smoke in the air.

Bellatrix felt her heart sinking as she took her hand to cover her mouth and closed her eyes.

She was pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: This chapter has been Beta-Read by davros fan and by TheOnlyCeeCeeJ. I would like to thank you both for your patience and attention to detail. Any remaining mistakes are entirely my responsibility.
> 
> I realize this chapter is a bit shorter than the first one. What do you think the ideal chapter length for this story would be? Please, do review and let me know what did you think. The third chapter will be up in a week.
> 
> Live Long and Prosper


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellatrix finally decides to tell Andromeda about her situation, but things are never as easy as they seem.

**DISCLAIMER:** _The ideas are mine. The characters and everything that is in the Harry Potter Universe belong to J.K._

* * *

For the days that followed, Bellatrix was very quiet. Most of the students in her year were enjoying the end of the exams. They would lay in the sun or gather by the lake, dipping their feet in the water. Bella didn't feel like joining them. Most of the time she felt like she wanted to cry.

Bella had repeated the test with the purple potion three times since that night in the prefect's bathroom. She got the same results every time.

She did not want to believe it at first. The girl lay down on the floor of the prefect's bathroom and sank her fingers into her belly, below the navel, until it hurt. She was trying to feel something, anything, but there was nothing there. At least, nothing that she could feel just yet.

In a few days, she would have to go home for her summer break. Home. To her parents.

She could not tell her parents about the preg— The situation. Merlin's beard, she couldn't even bring herself to use the word! She was terrified about what would happen if they knew. Her father might expel her from his home. He might cast her away from the family forever. She had grown up listening to stories about the burned spots in the family tapestry. Was there not one of those spots that belonged to a woman who had become pregnant out of wedlock? She couldn't remember. When they talked about the burned faces on the tapestry, they never mentioned their names. Those names did not matter anymore. Those people didn't matter. Bella was not ready for that to happen to her.

She could not tell them about any of what had happened that night at Lestrange Manor. Bella didn't think she could bear living through all of it again, repeating every detail out loud. And she did not know how her parents would react. What if her mother told her it was all her fault? Was it her fault? She should have defended herself, should she not? What if her mother told her that she was exaggerating, that Lestrange was to be her husband anyway, that they simply had to move up the wedding?

The thought of being married to that… that boy… that man… It made her sick.

Knowing her parents, however, she was painfully aware that anticipating her marriage was a very real possibility. That was what Lestrange's father had said, wasn't it? That they couldn't go back on their promise now? She was stuck with him.

Bella had been promised to the oldest of the Lestrange boys for years. There was a lot invested in that union. She had lost her virtue and her honour. The easiest way to deal with the damage was to marry her off.

What if they didn't let her finish Hogwarts?

No, her parents must not learn about any of this.

But what would she do? She would be home for two months. She was sure of her condition now. Her body would change. Perhaps she would be lucky. Perhaps she would not start to show for several months. But what if she was wrong? What if her condition became apparent before then? How would she hide it from them? And later, when she came back to school? She remembered how her aunt was when she was expecting Regulus. Towards the end, she would definitely be… bigger. How would she hide it then?

One problem at a time, Bella, she thought, taking a deep breath and trying to focus again.

She had been doing research. She was worried at first that the librarian might see something suspicious in her choice of books, but from the uninterested look on the old witch's face, she had merely dismissed Bella's interest in that topic as an adolescent curiosity. In any case, there were not many books on that topic at the Hogwarts library. Whatever she could get her hands on, she read voraciously. The books, however, raised more questions than they answered.

There was nobody she could talk to. Everything around that topic was embarrassing… A taboo… Which was why she suspected her mother had never brought up the subject before. If she had any friends, she supposed she could have talked to them, but there wasn't anyone. Bella had never been good at getting close to people. The girls in her class respected her, and that had always been enough. They had never talked about anything personal. She supposed some of the boys on the Quidditch team counted her as a friend, but she certainly could not discuss the matters that were weighing on her with any of them.

That young girl's heart was full of loneliness.

She wished she had an older sister. She was embarrassed to admit that what she actually wanted was an older woman she could trust. Someone she could talk to; someone more experienced, who could answer her questions. Someone who could hold her hand and tell her that everything was going to be okay. Other girls would probably go to their mothers, she realized sadly, but her mother would never be that woman to her.

She wanted her aunt, but she was terrified of what would happen if she told aunt Walburga everything. Her aunt had been like a second mother to her for as long as she could remember, but she took a lot of pride in their family line. She was terrified of letting her down. Besides, even if Bella did tell her everything, what could she do? Mr Lestrange was a powerful man... A scandal wouldn't do the family any good… No. No good could come from bringing her aunt into this.

Besides, Bella didn't think she would be able to stand the disappointment in her aunt's face.

There was nobody else. Bella was all alone. There were so many decisions ahead of her, so many unknowns, so many things she was not at all prepared for… It was all too overwhelming…

The day before getting on the Hogwarts Express, Bellatrix decided to talk to Andromeda.

It was not an easy decision. Her sisters were Bella's best friends for as long as she could remember, but for the past several months, Andromeda and she had not been getting along. They hadn't had a proper conversation in weeks.

Andy was the sister that looked like Bella the most, but as similar as they were in looks, they had radically opposite personalities. Bellatrix was a prefect, and one of the best students in her year. Only three months earlier, she had won a ribbon for the best disillusionment charm at a Charms competition. Andromeda, on the other hand, didn't seem to care about such honours. She was intelligent, Bellatrix knew that, but her marks were mostly average, and she seemed to prefer distracting herself with books that had nothing to do with their coursework than to put in the work necessary to challenge that annoying Ravenclaw boy for the recognition of best student in her year.

Her sister was always surrounded by friends, whenever Bella spotted her at school. Strange friends. That skinny blond boy who had gotten lost in the forbidden forest one time. The insufferable Dunbar girl who was as arrogant as most Gryffindors are. A green-eyed muggle-born boy that played as a catcher for the Hufflepuff Quidditch team… Andy used to hang out with a lot of muggle-borns, actually. That was the greatest point of contempt between the two sisters. Andromeda knew her choice of friends was offensive to their family… In fact, she seemed to enjoy that.

Bellatrix had surprised Andromeda with one of her mudblood friends at the Quad just before Easter. They were sitting next to each other on a stone bench, and Bella overheard their conversation.

"You could spend the summer with me. Are you sure you won't come?" he asked.

"I can't. I want to come with you, but-"

"You should come, then. Mum has asked me a hundred times to invite you over. And I am sure my dad will love you." There was a short pause before he continued, "Besides, I would love to show you me hyem."

"What?" Andy asked with a curious smile.

"Me hyem," he insisted, "my home. See, we've got to get you there, so you can learn the way we speak in the North. I want to show you the farm. I want to go riding with you all afternoon, and then we can lay in the grass and have some apples from the orchard. I can take you to see the ocean. It's not too far away. And we can watch the stars from the back porch at night until we go to sleep."

"That sounds wonderful, Edward," she said, bumping her shoulder against his slightly, "but my parents would never let me stay at a boy's house all by myself."

"You mean they would not let you stay at my house," he pointed out, "because my parents are not wizards."

Andromeda's smile melted away.

"You know I don't care about that," she said slowly, lowering her eyes.

"But they do, love," he said, lifting her chin.

"You don't understand Edward, they are my family!"

"But you're nothing like them, Dromeda! You're good and kind, and I know they make you hurt."

"If I go with you, I could never go back! They would cast me out! You don't understand!"

They were quiet for a moment

"I'm sorry," the boy said quietly. "It's just… I hate the way they treat you… I hate that sadness in your eyes."

"I am going to miss you," Andromeda said. "You know… Over the summer."

Edward nodded. He would miss her too.

"Just…" he started, "just know that if you ever need a place to go… You know… If things get really bad… You could come and stay with me."

Bellatrix had interrupted them at that point. She was livid. She threatened to tell her parents everything she had heard. Andromeda had threatened to run away. They both had said things they regretted, and they had not really spoken to each other ever since.

Be that as it may, she was still her sister. And Bella needed a sister right now. Cissy was far too young to bring into her mess.

Besides, the sisters would be going home soon. Away from the school, none of the mudbloods Andromeda called friends could stand between them. They could go back to being sisters again. Bella needed her sister. She was going to tell Andromeda everything.

The girl could have waited to talk to Andy in the common room that evening. Later that day, she wished she had.

Andromeda had taken a Potions exam that morning (the schedule of fourth-year students exams was different from those taking O.W.L.s and N.E.W.E.T.s) but by the time Bellatrix arrived at the dungeons, a couple of fourth-years waiting in the hallway told her Andromeda had already finished her exam. She was not in the common room, nor was she at the library. She was not hanging with that group of fourth-year Slytherins by the lake, nor was she at the Great Hall. In fact, Bellatrix was about to give up when she decided to look for her sister in the greenhouses.

Andy was there all right. But she was not alone.

Andromeda Black was kissing a boy behind one of the smaller greenhouses. It was not the same boy Andy had been talking to at the Quad before Easter. This one was considerably taller than the girl, and Bellatrix could not see his face, but she recognized him from a Quidditch match. He was a chaser.

"I am going to miss you so much," he said, kissing her lips again before he continued. "Will you still love me when the summer is over?"

Andromeda smiled.

"The summer hasn't even started yet," she said, playfully, pulling the boy closer, her fingers travelling up his neck to play with his hair. She had her back against the tree and the boy slid down his hand, touching her thigh, pulling up her skirt a little.

That's when Bellatrix couldn't stop herself anymore.

"Get away from my sister, you mudblood!"

Both Andromeda and the boy were startled. They pulled away from each other.

Andromeda was furious.

"Were you spying on me?"

Bellatrix didn't even take notice

"Oh, you would love that wouldn't you, you filthy mudblood."

It was Bellatrix who had spoken. The girl had finally come out from her hiding place behind a tree. She could not believe the petulance of this boy, this mudblood, to try and take her sister away from the family. She was Andromeda Black, she had better things to do than crawling around a muggle farm somewhere in the middle of nowhere! And she was engaged!

"Are you spying on me, Bellatrix?"

Bella didn't even take notice of her sister's anger. She was pointing her wand at the boy."

"RICTUM SEMPRA"

The blow hit him like a punch on his side and he fell back, laughing.

"Bellatrix stop! Leave Hunter alone!" Andromeda said, rushing to place herself between the boy and her sister's wand. She was still dishevelled, and a couple of buttons on her shirt were still undone.

"Look at you," Bellatrix said, still out of her mind with rage, then she turned to the boy again, "if I catch you touching my sister again, you—"

"You what?" Andromeda interrupted, "since when is it any of your business who I chose to go with?"

"You are betrothed," Bellatrix said to Andromeda as if that entire situation was absurd.

"She's what?" Hunter asked, disparagingly. He had finally recovered enough from the hex that could speak and straighten himself up, brushing dirt from his robes.

"I am not,-" Andromeda started, grinding her teeth. "Mother and Father made the—They never asked me—"

"Are you okay?" Hunter asked, holding Andromeda's wrist and trying to pull her to look at him.

"DON'T TOUCH MY SISTER!" Bellatrix repeated, red sparks flying from her wand in every direction.

"Bellatrix, stop!" Andromeda said, dodging the sparks with a quick moment. "Hunter, it's better if you leave, I need to talk to my sister alone."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said urgently, "please, just go."

It took a moment for him to decide whether he really wanted to leave Andromeda there, but then he finally left. Andromeda turned to Bella angrily.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"Protecting you!"

"I don't need your protection, Bellatrix! I like him!"

"What about Malfoy?"

"What about him? Mother and Father made that choice, they never asked me what I wanted! And I have no intention of marrying that stuffy little rich boy. In fact, I have no intention of marrying anybody any time soon!"

"It didn't look like it from what I just saw."

"What are you saying?"

"From what I saw…"

"Did you know I had never even kissed anybody before today? I would have been happy to just go on kissing him for a while!" Andromeda said, sadness mixing up with the anger in her voice. "He was good and kind, and you ruined it! Why did you have to ruin this for me?"

"Look at you," Bella indicated her sister's unbuttoned blouse, "he was undressing you, here, in the greenhouses, what if there was someone else here, what if someone had seen you?"

"I wasn't going to do anything!"

"You have no thought for your reputation, for how your actions could affect me, how they could affect Cissy!"

"Don't bring Cissy into this just to prove your point!"

"He was touching you under your clothes…"

"We were just having fun!"

"And how do you think that was going to end, Andy?"

"I don't—I didn't'—I don't know…"

"Is that what you want? To end up… pregnant, carrying a mudblood's child? Before you even finished your fourth year? You are fourteen years old!"

"I wasn't going to end up… I already told you, Bella, it wasn't… bad… It felt good…"

"Stop it, Andy! It's wrong!"

"Why?"

"Because… because you don't know what you are doing! You are too young, and this could have consequences that you don't even begin to understand. Things you are not ready for! You don't even know what you were doing! You don't even know what could happen to you!"

"And you do? When did you become such an expert?"

There was an audible pause before Bella could continue.

"You are betrothed… You have a responsibility to your name," the older girl started slowly.

"Oh stop it! I am not you. I am never going to be you. You might take whatever is shoved down your throat without complaining but I am never going to make the same mistakes."

This was a bit more than what Bellatrix could handle. She looked at her sister, and everything that had happened in the past few weeks came rushing to the surface.

"Fine," Bellatrix said, and it took everything she had for her not to cry right then and there, "do whatever you want, Andy, I no longer care."

She turned her back and walked away. She couldn't even remember why she had been in the greenhouses, to begin with.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Andromeda did not join Cissy and Bellatrix on the Hogwarts Express the next day. Bellatrix was not surprised.

"Where's Andy?" Cissy asked,

"I don't think she's coming with us," Bella replied, "she's probably with her friends somewhere else on the train."

"What happened?"

"We had an argument."

"What about?"

Bella shrugged, and Cissy understood she did not want to talk about it. It did not matter anyway. All of their arguments were always the same.

"I wish you wouldn't argue so much," Cissy said, taking the seat next to Bella and laying down on the bench, with her head on her sister's lap. "I wish we could go back to the way it was when we were little…"

"I know," Bella replied, running her fingers through her baby sister's hair as Cissy closed her eyes.

For a moment, Bella considered telling Cissy her secret, everything she meant to tell Andy. But Cissy was too young. She would probably be more scared than Bella was… No… she would have to figure out a way to deal with this on her own.

"And by the way, you are still little," Bellatrix said, kissing Cissy's forehead softly.

Cissy opened her eyes and watched Bella's face for a while. Then she straightened herself up facing Bella on the train seat.

"I am not that little anymore, Bella."

Bella studied her sister's face for a moment.

"Why are you saying that? Has something happened?"

"No…"

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No, Bella, yew! Of course not!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Cissy sounded exasperated. "I am just saying that… That you can trust me, Bella. You don't have to take care of me like I am a baby. I mean it."

Bella was quiet for a moment. She refrained from smiling because she didn't want to seem condescending, but she didn't say anything. Then she nodded and looked out the window, distracted.

Cissy studied her sister's face for a moment and sighed. She looked out the window as well, watching the village of Hogsmeade become very small as the Hogwarts Express became faster and faster on its route to the South.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. The next chapter will be up in a week. I would be grateful if you left me a review to let me know what you think of the story so far.
> 
> Merry Christmas!
> 
> Live Long and Prosper.


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER:** _The ideas are mine. The characters and everything that is in the Harry Potter Universe belong to J.K._

* * *

Bella tossed and turned on her bed for a long time during her first night back home. Something was weighting on her.

When it was three o'clock she figured it was safe to leave her room. Bella locked the bathroom door behind her and listened for a minute or two, but there were no other sounds on the corridor outside. The house was asleep.

She stood in front of the full-length mirror across the sink and examined her image. She looks exactly as tall and skinny as she remembered being at Easter. Nothing had changed.

Bellatrix removed her nightgown and stared at herself in the mirror again. She examined her abdomen closely, but even now, she didn't notice anything different. She knew it was too soon; she was not supposed to start showing for a few more weeks, but even then, she was anxious. The girl turned on her side. Perhaps from that angle, she would be able to see something. No, nothing. Not even a slight bump. Everything was fine.

She redressed and returned back to her bedroom and fell asleep almost as soon as she lay on the bed.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The following morning Bellatrix had reason to be glad she had done that late-night mirror check: her mother had Bella and her sisters trying new dresses and dress robes for her.

"Do you like it?" Druella asked, absentmindedly, examining the blue fabric. "I ordered it months ago, they had to ship the fabrics from…"

She went on talking excitedly about the rareness of the silk and the price of the garments she had chosen.

Druella was like that. Most of the time she was a sullen woman, whose facial expression suggested permanent discontent with her own life. She preferred to have the house-elf bring her breakfast on a tray, rather than go down to the dining room to enjoy the company of her family. She took great pride in decorating the manor, in fact, some rooms seemed almost too crowded with vases and other expensive decorative items. However, she often neglected the planning of family meals and left the management of the kitchen entirely in the hands of their house-elves. They had two: one that had always been in the manor and one Druella brought with her when she got married.

She brightened up when they had company, although the degree of her excitement was proportional to how much she enjoyed the company of the guests. The rest of the time, she was a cold woman, who treated her husband with respect and distance. Aside from the occasional criticism or admonition, she hardly ever talked to the girls. Druella never asked them about how they were doing at school or what were their favourite classes. She never offered help with difficult spells or taught them something they wouldn't have learned in school. She never talked about boys and never offered advice on anything. Had she been asked, Druella would not have been able to tell what her daughters' favourite colours were, or what kind of food they liked the most. She seldom demonstrated any interest in the girls' lives at all.

Every now and again, however, she went on a compulsive spree and got the girls new robes, expensive dresses, small items of jewellery or other such things. She was all smiles on such occasions, and she insisted on having the girls try on the clothes for her straight away. She studied their bodies and how well the new clothes fitted them, often praising the fabrics, the artisans and her own qualities as a mother, for making sure her daughters were dressed in the very best gold could buy.

"These are yours," Druella handed Andromeda a pile of clothes when she finally entered the room.

"I am not trying them on in front of you."

"Don't be ridiculous, Andromeda, I am your mother," she replied drily.

"I am fourteen years old!" Andromeda protested firmly.

"Why does everything have to become a tug of war with you, Andromeda? Put on these clothes!"

"I will, as soon as you get out," Andromeda said, and then she added in a counterfeit manner, "Mother."

"Fine," Druella said, instructing them to call her when they were done, and leaving to wait in the adjoining room.

"Unbelievable," Andromeda muttered, and she started to take off her pyjamas as soon as her mother closed the door.

Bellatrix didn't say anything. She usually criticized her sister for confronting their mother in that manner, but today she was glad Andromeda had done that. The girl did have a point. It was embarrassing enough undressing in front of her mother. Now, the mere thought that she might notice something in her body that Bella had missed when she checked herself in the mirror the previous night made the girl's heart race with panic. She wasn't too keen on the idea of getting dressed in front of her sisters, but she was more or less confident they wouldn't notice anything. Besides, they were rather involved in a discussion of their own.

"I'm just saying," Cissy continued, "she did get us these dresses, and you could be a little more grateful!"

"I don't even like these," Andromeda said ill-manneredly. "I wish she would ask me what kind of clothes I want. I don't want to dress like her! I want to have my own style."

"Then ask her to take you along when she's choosing the fabrics, Andy!"

"That's a laugh! I hate this! She does this every time, treats me like I'm a child, what's so difficult about waiting in the other room?" Andromeda asked, pulling her head through the collar of a green dress.

"She is our mother, you know? What does it matter if she's in the room or not?"

"You're only saying that because you still look like a child!" Andy retorted.

"And you look like a grown-up?"

"I don't look like a flat board!"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

They went on with their bickering for a while. Bellatrix wasn't paying attention. It was a very form-fitting dress. She glanced at her own reflection on the window discreetly.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Being back home was difficult.

Every morning she was afraid someone would hear her as she makes her way to the bathroom. The pain and the nausea were familiar by now. Every morning it started slowly, and every morning she waits, because she knows it would get worse.

She knew that she was not supposed to use magic out of school but she also knew there was nothing the Ministry could do to track her spells when she was in her parents' home. Aunt Walburga told her that the summer she came back from her first year at Hogwarts. Her aunt didn't believe in the prohibition. It was an unenlightened policy, she said, aimed at controlling students who did not came from Magic families, students who should never have been admitted to the school in the first place, as far as her aunt was concerned. Her niece would not be submitted to such a medieval restriction.

Bellatrix had had fun with that knowledge the previous summers. She played with the stuffed animals in her bedroom, making them levitate, and used magic to keep everything tidy when her mother commanded her to. She also practised some of the spells she found in the following year's books, as a way to get ahead before classes started. Now however she was using her wand to cast a sound muffling spell on the bathroom door every morning, so she wouldn't have to worry about anyone overhearing her when she was ill.

The nausea hit her particularly hard during the second week of July. One day, after being violently ill for several minutes, she went downstairs for a glass of water. It was so early she did not bother taking a shower or changing out of her pyjamas before going downstairs. She barely even washed her face prior to wandering into the kitchen.

Her heart nearly stopped when she realized her mother was already in the kitchen.

Druella cast a suspicious look at her eldest daughter.

"You need to do something about your hair," she said, before going back to her coffee.

Bellatrix was back in her room in less than half a minute. She had forgotten about her thirst entirely.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The dresses, as it turned out, had a purpose. Cygnus and Druella would host a midsummer masquerade on the last week of July, and the three sisters were expected to attend.

Bella used to love her parents' masquerades. When they were younger, Bella and her sisters used to sneak out of bed and hide at the top of the stairs so they could watch the guests, each in an exquisite Venetian mask and colourful robes, spinning and sliding across the room at the sound of the music. It was wondrous to behold.

They decorated the large parlour and her father enchanted a whole orchestra of instruments to play by themselves while the guests danced. Cygnus was very good with musical spells like that. The instruments floated over the platform at the end of the room, as if being held by invisible musicians, and they played the most beautiful melodies. Sometimes, Cygnus himself played a piece or two. He was an accomplished oboist himself. Other times he had his daughters perform in his place. Bellatrix played the cello and Andy the piano. But it was Cissy everyone admired the most. Cissy had a voice like a nightingale.

Everyone that was worth knowing was usually in attendance. Bella remembered a time almost a year ago when her father introduced her to the Minister of Magic himself at one of those parties. The old man had patted little Sirius on the back, bending the boy's knees a bit, and remarked he was a "Ministry official in the making," with a satisfied voice before Sirius kicked him in the shin and ran away. Andromeda has laughed out loud, right in the Minister's face, proud of her little cousin's rebellion. Druella had punished her harshly for that.

Later that night, Bellatrix couldn't hear the end of it from her sister.

"Did you notice how he didn't even think of asking us if we want to work for the Ministry?" Andromeda pointed out angrily, "Sirius is eight years old! He isn't even old enough to attend the bloody party, they just brought him down to meet the Minister, and the old idiot treated him far more seriously than he treated us!."

"It's not like you want to work for the Ministry," Bellatrix argued rationally.

"Well, I would like to have the option! Just because I'm a girl…"

"You know there are women working for the ministry! There have been female Ministers of Magic, for crying out loud!"

"I am not saying women aren't allowed to join the Ministry, I am saying women in this family aren't supposed to join the Ministry."

"Please, Andromeda, we're better than that, it's not like we need the money."

"How can you swallow everything they shove down our throats like that? They keep telling us that we are "better" than everyone else, that we are "meant for bigger things", that we are too good to have a career, but what does that amount to?

"It has nothing to do with us being girls, Andromeda. Well-born wizards never bother with jobs. Father doesn't work for the ministry either, does he? Does Uncle Orion?"

"Father and Uncle Orion were never told to suppress every personal aspiration and submit to the wishes of a wife. They were never shoved off and sent to a stranger's house to become a member of their family in spite of their own desires."

After that Bellatrix was quiet for a moment. Andromeda knew exactly how to get to her.

"I will ask you again," the older girl started slowly, "do you want to work for the Ministry?"

"That's not the point, Bella!"

"What's the point, then? Why do you have to make trouble every time, Andy?"

Andromeda took a deep breath and decided to ignore her sister's last question.

"The point is that what we want doesn't matter. We are not supposed to want anything. We are not supposed to make anything out of our lives."

They had not said anything after that, but Bella had a lot to think about. She suspected her sister might be right. Bella was the best student in her year. She was a prefect and she had played for the Slytherin Quidditch team since her second year at the school. She regularly outshone her classmates in intra-school competitions. Yet, in spite of all that, when she finished her seventh year, she was expected to marry Rodolphus Lestrange, have his children and keep house for him for as long as they both should live. It was unfair.

Deep in her heart, Bella knew she wanted to be more than that. More than a housewife. More than a mother. More than a woman. She wanted to be like Ignatia Wildsmith, the witch that had invented Floo powder, or Miranda Goshawk, the celebrated magic theoretician and author of the entire Charms syllabus at Hogwarts. She wanted to accomplish great things. Was that not why she had been sorted into Slytherin in the first place? Because she was ambitious? It seemed unfair of them to expect her to take a backseat to an unremarkable husband and be glad of it but that was exactly what was being asked of her. And Bella didn't see how she could get out of that trap.

She shook her head, trying to forget those old concerns. No good could come from dwelling on those thoughts for long. She looked around and realized Andromeda was nowhere to be found. Bella only hoped her sister wasn't up to any mischief.

Druella had gotten both her eldest daughters beautiful old-fashioned masks with long beaks extending downward in front of them. Plague doctor masks. The masks had complementary colours, and matched their dresses well. The girls looked very much alike, and they were nearly the same height which was why their mother often got them similar outfits. Andromeda hated that, and to be honest, Bella didn't care much for it either, but it upset Cissy to no end that she wasn't included in that. Cissy was wearing the ornate half-mask of a Colombina. The light blue of the plumes above the mask matched the young girl's eyes, but she didn't seem to care much for it anyway.

Bellatrix used to love the masquerade. She loved the richness of the outfits, the wealth of fabrics and accessories and colours, the music, the dances… She was standing next to her parents, close to the front entrance, waiting to greet the guests as they came inside. From that point, she could see the entire parlour.

Her aunt Walburga was standing by the fireplace, wearing a gorgeous golden dress with a wide skirt and an extraordinarily large necklace. Her husband joined her soon enough, wearing a beautiful Bauta and carrying two glasses of a sparkling beverage Bella could not identify. On the other side of the fireplace stood a couple of men Bella did not know. The tallest of the two was wearing a harlequin mask that was black on the right half of the face and gold on the left half. His hair was concealed by the rich adornments at the top of his mask: ten or twelve long triangles of tissue with tiny bells at the tip, matching the orange of the triangular details in his collar. His companion had a much less elaborate mask, plain, oval, and white all over, but he was wearing a tall cylindrical adorned with multi-coloured jewels that also covered the entirety of his robes.

Several steps to the left, Bella recognized Abraxas Malfoy with a hand on his son's shoulder. Abraxas was wearing a plague doctor mask, much like herself, and his son had chosen a blue Pantalone mask, with a much smaller beak and beautiful silver details. Lucius' unmistakable long blond hair had been tied in a ponytail, and he wasn't wearing a hat. The people standing across from Abraxas made a loud colourful group full of feathers, flowers, ruffles and glitter. Bella particularly liked the elaborate purple dress of the woman on the far left, and she was busy admiring the details of her mask when her father's voice awakened her from her musings.

"Bellatrix!"

She looked at him again and her heart sunk. Standing in front of her father was a tall man with broad shoulders wearing a tricorn black hat, a veil and a mantle doubling over the shoulders and decorated with frills and fringes. Every single element of his attire, from his mantle to his tight knee-length socks was black. Everything, apart from his plain white Bauta mask. It was a similar costume than that of her Uncle Orion's, but in that man, the Bauta looked frightening. Bellatrix couldn't see an inch of the man's skin, but she knew exactly who it was. That was Mr Lestrange.

"Aren't you going to welcome our guest, Bellatrix?"

She was frozen. The words had gotten stuck somewhere before they reached her mouth.

"I'm afraid Bellatrix didn't care much for Lestrange Manor when she visited us last winter," Mr Lestrange said, in an understanding and amused tone of voice. "Not that I blame her. The house is old and large, and it's been without a woman's touch for many years."

"Nonsense," Druella said, casting a disappointing look at her eldest daughter. "There's nothing wrong with the house, I am sure Bellatrix is looking forward to moving there when she and Rodolphus get married."

Her mother placed an arm around her as an excuse to pinch the girl under her cloak where neither of the men could see.

"Every girl is naturally frightened of their wedding," Druella said, opening a large smile, "I am sure Bellatrix will adapt in no time. Won't you, Bellatrix?"

Bella was saved the trouble of answering when a loud shriek cut through the ballroom. Every single head in the room turned to the source of the noise.

Lucius Malfoy was standing on a chair, screaming patting his body frantically as if there was something hiding under his clothes. After a couple of seconds, the reason became clear: there were, in fact, two small toads jumping from under his shirt. The first came out through a gap between two buttons, and the second jumped out of his collar, brushing against the boy's left ear on his way out.

When the toads had jumped away, Lucius calmed down and several people started laughing at him. The boy's mask had fallen down during the incident, and he'd stumbled against one of the fire whiskey bottles on the food table, causing it to double over and spilling fire whiskey all over the white table towel.

Abraxas pulled his son out of the chair and used his wand to clean up the mess at the table. He seemed upset at first, or at least impatient, but then he picked Lucius' mask from the floor and helped the boy to straighten up his outfit while Lucius himself looked around, looking for the author of the prank. Bellatrix had a good idea who that person was.

Unfortunately, so did her mother.

"This is Andromeda's doing, excuse me," Druella said, rushing away to look for her middle child.

Bellatrix took advantage of that opportunity to sneak away.

There was nothing like the silence in a bathroom where there was a party outside. Bella really needed that silence.

She locked the door and removed her mask holding the sink with her two hands as she leaned over and closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to steady herself.

Bellatrix was not at all prepared for what she felt when she saw him standing just a few steps away from her. Her heart sunk, her entire body felt frozen and for a while, it was as though she couldn't even breathe. She wasn't accustomed to feeling like this. She wasn't accustomed to being so… afraid.

Safe behind the locked door of the bathroom, the fear subsided, and an entirely new and unfamiliar mix of emotions overpowered her. Bellatrix remembered everything she had tried so hard to forget over the past couple of months. She remembered the weight of his body over hers and the suffocating feeling of his breath on her face. She remembered the feeling of his hands on her. She remembered the embarrassment. The shame.

It was foolish not to anticipate that this might happen. Rodolphus and Bella were betrothed. The families would see much of each other over the next few months. It was quite likely that the senior Mr Lestrange would become a frequent guest in the near future. He was a powerful man. She should have known he would be at the party. She felt like an idiot.

Then she remembered Rodolphus was probably just outside, somewhere in the parlour, hiding behind a mask. The thought of it made her sick and frightened all over again.

Bellatrix took her time getting herself back together. She rubbed her arm where her mother had pinched her. It wasn't that it hurt. It didn't really hurt that bad. It's that her mother never thought to ask what was wrong. She didn't even notice Bella's reaction to Lestrange's presence. She didn't see her.

Bella slid her hand down and touched her stomach. Prior to this night Bella had been terrified of what it would be like if her mother realized there was something wrong with her. She had never considered how bad she would feel if she didn't.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The masquerade had lost all of its appeals after that. Had she been able to excuse herself, Bella would have retired back to her room, but doing so would invite more questions and she wasn't prepared to do that. Besides, she felt much safer staying right as she was, in a crowded parlour, surrounded by her family.

Bella didn't really feel like dancing, but she didn't have much of a choice when one of her relatives ushered her to join the young Malfoy for the next dance.

Malfoy was shorter than she was. He was about two years younger, very skinny, and he seemed as unwilling to take part in that dance as Bella.

"Why did your sister do that to me? I know it was her," Malfoy said when the choreography brought him close enough to Bellatrix that she could hear him as they were spinning around one another.

It would be useless to deny Andromeda's guilt, Bellatrix pondered.

"It was just a joke, Lucius."

"A joke? She humiliated me in front of everybody. Her entire family. My father!" he was indignant, "she knows I hate frogs! Why would she do that to me? I am going to be her husband!"

Bellatrix sighed. She was well aware Andromeda didn't take her betrothal to Malfoy in high regard, but she didn't have to tell him that

"It was childish of her," Bella said finally, "I apologize on her behalf. I am sure this will never happen again."

"Maybe I'll tell my father I don't want her anymore," the boy retorted angrily.

Bella could understand his anger. That didn't make it any less upsetting to listen to the boy as he spoke about her sister as if she were a jacket he didn't want to wear anymore. She was glad to realize the next few moves of that dance would make them switch partners, so she wouldn't have to speak to him anymore.

Unfortunately, however, her next partner was Rodolphus Lestrange.

His fingers brushed against her halfway through the first few steps they did together, and she recoiled.

"There's no touching in this dance," Bella said sharply, her entire body tensing up.

"You didn't even come and say hello to me," Rodolphus said, a large smile visible under the nose of his mask, "I will expect better treatment than that when we are married."

Bella didn't say anything. She could tell he was enjoying himself. She felt sick.

"I think my brother asked your baby sister on a dance earlier today," he said, "you should bring her along next time you come over."

"Stay away from Narcissa, Lestrange."

"Oh, aren't we on first name basis anymore?" he mocked her, brushing his fingers against hers again.

She felt as if the touch of his skin could burn.

"Don't touch me," she warned him, whispering so that nobody else could hear her.

"What do you mean?" He laughed.

"I don't want you to touch me ever again," Bella insisted. She hoped she sounded more confident than she felt. She remembered only too well that asking Lestrange to stop had not worked the first time.

"You are going to be my wife," he laughed, "of course I am going to touch. I am going to do a lot more than that. Don't you remember?"

Bellatrix stopped. The other young couples went dancing around them. It wouldn't take long for that to become a scene.

Rodolphus stopped as well.

"What?" he asked, trying to interpret the look on her face, as they stood still in the middle of the dance floor "I hope you don't think you can get out of our wedding. You have no idea how much my father is looking forward to it."

Bellatrix turned her back and walked away, towards the balcony.

Rodolphus followed.

"If you even think about cancelling the wedding, I am going to tell everybody what happened," he said, "I am going to tell them you threw yourself at me. You got into my room when no one was watching and you waited for me on my bed."

"That's not what happened!"

"Isn't it?" Rodolphus laughed. "It's going to be my word against yours, and I am gonna make it look good. I'll tell them you knew what you were doing. You had done it before. You begged me to give it to you and you were yelling my name all the time. That part is true, isn't it?"

He grabbed her wrist before he continued to speak.

"Why else would you agree to come to my house unchaperoned unless you were planning on doing something like that? I'll tell everybody you enjoyed it. I'll tell them you put something in my drink. I'll tell them you were trying to get me to put a son in you so I couldn't back off from the wedding."

Bella wrenched her arm free of his grasp just as someone else came through the door from the parlour and called her name.

"Bellatrix? Is everything alright here?"

It was her Uncle Orion.

Bellatrix walked away from Lestrange and stood next to her uncle. She had to control herself not to run. The girl nodded, to let her uncle know she was okay, but she didn't trust herself to speak yet.

Orion looked at Rodolphus with suspicion.

"I was just wondering if my betrothed would grant me the next dance, Mr Black," Rodolphus lied.

Orion placed an arm around his niece's shoulders.

"I'm afraid I will have to claim that honour for myself, boy," he said firmly. "Go inside now. I believe your father was looking for you."

If he was displeased, Rodolphus hid it well.

Orion studied Bella's face for a moment after Lestrange had left.

"I hope I didn't do anything wrong. It didn't seem to me like you wanted to dance with him."

Bella shook her head now.

"Is everything okay, princess?"

Bella bit her lower lip.

"Yes, Uncle," she said softly.

"It is normal to be nervous about your wedding, you know," he said, guessing that that was the problem. "I was a pile of nerves just before my wedding, and I'm sure your aunt was almost as bad, although she's always been braver than me…"

Bella nodded

"Uncle," she started, "do I have to marry him?"

Orion studied his niece's face again.

"Would that be so terrible?" he asked.

Bella looked him in the eye for a moment. Yes, she thought, yes, it would.

"I suppose not," she said finally, hardly believing the words coming out of her mouth. She knew that was what she was supposed to say.

Her uncle smiled.

"Come now, child… It's much too soon to be thinking about any of that. The wedding won't be for another two years. I am sure you will be more accustomed to the idea by them."

She nodded again.

"Now, what do you say we have that dance?" Uncle Orion asked, offering her his arm and leading her to the parlour again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: This story has been Beta-Read by davros fan and by TheOnlyCeeCeeJ. I would like to thank you both for your patience and attention to detail. Any remaining mistakes are entirely my responsibility.
> 
> I have several plans for the things that will happen in the next few chapters, but I am looking forward to getting some feedback with suggestions of which situations you would like to see develop as the story moves forward...
> 
> Next chapter will be up in a week.
> 
> Happy New Year o/


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER:** _The ideas are mine. The characters and everything that is in the Harry Potter Universe belong to J.K._

* * *

"Colloportus," Bella whispered, pointing her wand at the door, and there was a satisfying click as the bathroom door locked behind her.

She stood in front of the full-length mirror on the wall and took off her nightgown. It had become almost a ritual to her by this point. She examined her stomach. She looked the same at first. Then she turned to the side. There it was. For the first time, she noticed something different. A definite roundness in the lower part of her abdomen. She turned to the other side and looked at her reflection again. It was subtle, but it was definitely there.

A cold shiver ran down Bella's spine and she felt numb all over. The girl looked away from the mirror and sat down, hiding her face in her hands.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"Be quiet!" Druella shouted.

"I am trying to explain –"

"I don't need to hear any explanations from you!"

"But you don't understand! I spoke to –"

"What you learned from a stranger inside a public house is of no consequence! A muggle public house! You disobeyed me! You fraternized with a stranger, a male stranger, unchaperoned! If Abraxas hadn't found you and brought you home to us, we don't know what might –"

"What was he doing in a muggle public house if the place is so disgusting?"

"Be quiet! It is not for you to question the coming and goings of an adult man! You are a child! He is your future father-in-law! Do you have any idea of the magnitude of the scandal, had he chosen to break your betrothal to Lucius? You've exposed our entire family to ruin!"

"But I –"

"You have no sense of morality or propriety, Andromeda! You are a rotten child, and I don't know what to do with you. Have you no thought for your family? For your sisters? If you are ruined, do you know what could happen to Bellatrix and Narcissa?"

"Well, I am sorry he didn't cancel the wedding because I have no intention of marrying Lucius or anyone else at the moment! I wish he had called the whole thing off!"

Bellatrix heard a loud noise. Druella had slapped Andromeda round the face.

"Don't you dare talk back to me! I may have failed in my duties to you up until now, but I promise I will put some sense into you if it's the last thing I do in my life!"

Andromeda was mercifully quiet.

"Your father and I give you everything! Everything! You have the best clothes, the best of everything, the most expensive things that gold can buy and what do you do? You don't even thank us! No, instead you turn your back on your family and you go fraternize with strangers in that decadent little town. How could you do this to us?"

Andromeda didn't answer. Her mouth still ached from the slap she'd received.

"What do you think would have happened to you if those men had known what you are? Do you think they would have welcomed you as one of their own? You know nothing of life, you stupid, spoiled little girl."

"I was waiting for my friend..."

"Friend? What friend? How could you possibly have friends in that -"

"Well, I have friends there. I don't hate muggles as you do!"

"And did you tell your so-called friends about what you are?"

A heavy silence followed those words. Druella laughed coldly.

"You are not so stupid after all, are you? Do you have any idea what they would do if they found you out? They are muggles, you are a witch. To them, you are freak! They would have arrested you and raped you and in all probability killed you before we would ever know you were gone."

"It is not true!"

"You think the world is a fairytale because of those worthless Muggle Studies classes. I am writing to Hogwarts in the morning to make it clear that your father and I do not approve of you taking that discipline and we want you out of that class!"

Bellatrix closed her eyes. She had been sitting in the corridor, pulling her knees to her chest and listening as her mother dressed down her middle sister in the next room. Druella was far from finished, but she couldn't listen anymore. Bella decided to stand up and walk away.

She hated when her mother talked to Andromeda like that. Druella wasn't particularly kind to any of the girls. Sometimes, for instance, it was like she didn't even notice Cissy existed, but that neglect was nothing compared to the way she treated Andromeda. They never had conversations, they had arguments. Whenever her mother so much as looked at the girl, some new piece of criticism came to her mouth. She called Andromeda horrible names, pointed out every single one of her shortcomings, and constantly reminded her of how much she owed her parents for the roof over her head and the food at their table.

Once or twice, Bella thought about asking her mother why she hated Andromeda that much.

Not that Druella thought she hated her daughter. In her mind, she was an excellent mother to an ungrateful girl.

Besides, it wasn't like Andromeda was a saint. If she hadn't continued to sneak out to visit the muggle village just outside their property, none of this would have happened.

Bella sighed.

The reason she had gone knocking on Andromeda's door that morning was that she needed to talk. She was going to tell her sister everything. She needed that. When they went back to school, she was going to need help. Andy would be able to help her.

But Andromeda, of course, was nowhere to be found.

That wasn't, in itself, unusual. Andromeda had been sneaking out of the house since she was a toddler and in fact, once, she'd spent an entire night away from home. Andromeda had told Bella the full story shortly after it happened, but their parents had never found out that she'd been in the muggle village down the road. No. This was the first time they'd learned anything about their daughter's escapades.

She'd been unlucky. Abraxas Malfoy had recognized her at the pub where she'd been waiting for that friend of hers. Bellatrix knew he'd probably been closing the deal on some piece of art or another. The Malfoys had had dealings with muggles in the art world for ages. But when he recognized Andromeda, the wizard had brought her straight home.

There was no hope of talking to Andromeda today. Bellatrix doubted the shouting would be over anytime soon.

Whenever she tried to confide in her sister, something prevented her from doing so. Why? Why did Andromeda have to be so wild all the time? Why did Andy insist on giving her mother opportunities to say those horrible things to her? Why couldn't she just be her sister for a change?

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

As the weeks went by, Bella started to feel better.

It happened gradually. One morning, in the first days of August, she woke up when the sun was already rising on the horizon. Her body felt calm. For the first time in months, she didn't feel the urge to run to the bathroom and vomit. Her stomach wasn't seizing. She felt fine.

The next day, she was ill again. Then she was fine for another couple of days. It wasn't long before she realized that an entire week had gone by and she hadn't been sick once. That morning, she simply turned around and went back to sleep for another hour.

Bellatrix hadn't noticed how tired and forlorn she'd been until she started to feel better. She started eating better. She wasn't dizzy or light-headed anymore. She felt in control of her body again.

One day, Uncle Orion brought the boys over for a visit. Bella, her sisters, and her two younger cousins, Sirius and Regulus, spent the afternoon by the lake in the southern part of the property. They played Gobstones for a while, then raced each other to see who would be the first to reach the farthest margin of the lake.

Bella won. The girl had longer legs than the younger children, and quicker reflexes as well, from years of Quidditch practice. She felt good! For the first time since the Easter Holiday, Bellatrix felt like herself.

When she reached the finish line, there was a big smile on her face. Bella closed her eyes, enjoying the warm feeling of sunshine on her skin. Her father and uncle were swimming on the other side of the lake. Andy and Sirius jumped in the water as soon as they reached the finish line, and Cissy stayed back with Regulus, laying on the grass to catch her breath.

It had been such a long time since Bellatrix had played like that! She wondered why people stopped playing when they grew up. It certainly wasn't because it wasn't fun anymore. Those few minutes, when she was running, were the first time she felt truly relaxed in a very long time. For a few minutes, she forgot everything that had happened since Easter. She forgot about Rodolphus and her O.W.L.s, about Andromeda's questionable choice of friends and the arguments they'd had at school. She even forgot about the terrible secret she'd been hiding under her t-shirt.

Until she was pushed in the lake, that is.

Bellatrix was so distracted she never noticed when Sirius sneaked up behind her and pushed her in the cool waters of the lake.

"Sirius!" Cissy reprehended him, but the boy was doubling over himself with laughter.

"Bella, are you alright?" asked Andromeda, swimming to where her sister was and trying to help pull Bellatrix up.

Bella emerged from the water and pushed her sister away.

"Get away from me, you told him to do that, didn't you?" She looked at Sirius, who was still laughing his brains out and pointing at her from the margins of the lake, "I told you I didn't want to get in the water!"

"Why did you do that, you big idiot!" Regulus said, kicking Sirius in the shin.

"You're the idiot!" Sirius replied, pushing Regulus on the ground.

"Boys!" Orion's voice thundered from where he was in the other side of the lake. The sound of loud voices had attracted the parents' attention "What's going on?"

"Sirius pushed Bella in the water!" Regulus shouted back. "And then he pushed me!"

"I did not!"

"Did too!"

"You're not in the lake are you, midget?"

"I am not a midget!"

"Tattletale."

"I am not!"

Sirius pushed Regulus in the water, right in front of Bellatrix as she tried to get out of the water.

"There. Now I pushed you in the water! See the difference?"

Regulus was not a good swimmer, and he flapped his arms about everywhere, struggling to stay afloat.

"Sirius stop!" Bellatrix demanded. She pulled Regulus up to the surface with ease. "Shh, it's okay, Gul, I got you. Cissy, help me."

Cissy got closer to the edge of the lake and helped to pull Regulus out whilst the boy caught his breath again. He had swallowed some water but was otherwise unharmed.

Sirius jumped in the lake holding his knees up to his chest, splashing water everywhere.

Bellatrix was furious.

"This is not funny! You know Regulus can't swim!"

"I bet you'll think this is funny!" He said daringly and started splashing water on Bella's face with both his hands.

"Stop it!"

"It's just water," Sirius continued, laughing, "what are you, a sugar quill?"

"I just didn't want to get in!" Bellatrix said, her voice an octave higher. "You had no right!"

Regulus started to cry.

"Sirius Orion Black, what did you do to your brother?" his father thundered from where he was, "Stop that immediately! Don't make me come and get you."

"Sirius, stop," Andromeda said quietly, reprimanding her favourite little cousin. Sirius stopped laughing right away. He always respected what Andromeda said. Then she turned back and waved. "It's okay, Uncle Orion! We got this!"

"Stop crying, Gul, it will be okay," Cissy said, passing an arm over the little boy's shoulder.

"Why did you do this?" Andromeda asked Sirius in a lower voice.

For the first time, he seemed a little embarrassed.

"It was funny…"

"No it wasn't," Cissy said, crossed, giving Bella a hand while her sister got out of the water. Bella's clothes were soaked, dripping copious amounts of water on the grass, while the girl rolled her long dark hair in a bun.

"You could have hurt him, you know he can't swim," Andromeda pointed out.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry Regulus," Sirius said, counterfeited, "I'm sorry, Bella."

Bellatrix, however, was not listening. She stood with her back turned to the lake for a few moments then she started running towards the house without any further explanation.

"I said I was sorry!" Sirius sounded puzzled and indignant, but Bella was too far away to listen to him.

Bellatrix ran into the loo and locked the door behind her. Her heart was beating really fast. It had taken her a moment to notice that her soaked T-shirt was tight against the contours of her body, revealing the noticeable curve of her lower abdomen. That was the reason she didn't want to go into the water in the first place. She was afraid someone would notice it, that someone would find out!

Bellatrix leaned back against the closed door and slid down, landing on the cold porcelain floor. Before she could do anything to stop it, copious tears were running down her face. She was embarrassed and scared and she didn't even understand why she was sobbing so painfully in the immaculate bathroom floor.

The girl closed her eyes and breathed slowly, trying to catch her breath. She twisted her hair in a bun and, when she calmed down a little, Bella felt the cold water dripping from her hair on the back of her neck and sliding down her back. She had her legs drawn close to her body, forehead propped on her knees, a bundle of acute angles, curled around itself. The place where she sat on the cold porcelain tiles had become a small puddle of water, and she felt the fabric of her soaked t-shirt and shorts hugging her skin with a hundred different wrinkles.

It had been days since she looked at herself in the mirror. It's not like she needed another reminder of her condition. There was still a part of her (a non-insignificant part of her) that hoped, against all logic, that it would all go away. That one day she would wake up and be back to her normal self; that her parents would have found a reason not to go on with her marriage plans; that she would be free again.

That uncomfortable hard ball in the middle of her body, however, told her otherwise. She had noticed that recently. Whenever she got frightened or confused, whenever her emotions overpowered her, Bella's abdomen seized and protested, making itself noticeable, if not to anyone else than at least to herself, in a most uncomfortable manner.

Taking a deep breath, Bella pushed herself up into a standing position and removed the wet t-shirt. She turned sideways and studied her reflexion on the mirror.

The curve on her lower belly had definitely become more pronounced.

Bella panicked. Her wet t-shirt was so form-fitting, it couldn't possibly have hidden that bump. Her father and uncle were too far away, she supposed, but Cissy and Regulus had seen her from the side when she came out of the water. What if they had noticed her belly? What if they told their parents? What if her parents told the Lestranges everything?

She grabbed the edges of the sink with both her hands, supporting the weight of her body in trembling arms as she dropped her head down and fought a violent wave of nausea. Bella struggled to breathe. Her heart was racing so fast she thought someone else might hear it, and her knees had turned to jelly.

The hard ball in the middle of her body seized uncomfortably again.

Calm down, she thought to herself, trying to regain control. Cissy and Regulus were too young to understand, even if they had noticed anything. Besides, they probably weren't paying attention to that part of her body. No… If any of the grown-ups had seen her, she would have been in trouble, but those two were just kids. They couldn't know… She would be fine.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

At around midnight, Bellatrix was awake, lying on her stomach in bed, the blankets drawn in right over her head like a tent. The girl had lit her wand with a simple Lumos spell and she was using it as a flashlight while she read a small leather-bound notebook.

Prior to her coming back home for the summer, Bellatrix had searched Hogwarts library extensively, trying to learn more about what was happening to her. The books she'd found at the school had been useful, to a point, but only because she knew so little to start with. She had never been interested in that sort of thing before. She thought it could wait until she was older. Until she was married. She thought she didn't need to know. Not yet. She thought she could afford not to know yet.

It was not as if she had never been curious. She had been. A little. But she was too embarrassed to ask any questions, and there wasn't really anyone to ask.

Her ignorance, however, had cost her dearly. There were spells Bella could have performed to prevent her from ever finding herself in this predicament. That's the first thing she learned from those books. If only she had known…. But they didn't teach those things in school. It was not a topic of conversation. Even the books she'd found weren't particularly informative. They mentioned the existence of spells and herbs with contraceptive properties (she even had to look up the word), but there was no mention of the incantations, no descriptions of wand movements. Nothing like the detailed instructions in her Standard Book of Spells.

She wasn't surprised. Bella had realized long ago that the knowledge stored in Hogwarts' library was censored. Someone – the muggle-loving headmaster, she assumed – made sure that certain books were not available to the students, even in the Restricted section. Most students went through the entirety of their seven years at the castle without ever realizing that – and you never would if you restricted your readings to what was taught in class. Bellatrix, however, had started to further her studies on the Dark Arts when she was thirteen years old and at that early age, the library failed her for the first time.

There was a time, her uncle had told her when there was an Elective on Dark Arts at the school. Not anymore, however. Not since shortly after Dumbledore had become headmaster.

Most of the students in her year had no idea what the Dark Arts were all about. The name had such a negative connotation! Defence Against the Dark Arts was compulsory, but that was a joke, not a discipline! Her class had spent the better part of last year studying obscure foreign creatures and memorizing the ABC of combat. Avoid getting hit by your opponent, Be aware of non-verbal spells, Cut and run if the other guy is too powerful… That last one was actually a joke but it was easier to remember than whatever was written in the textbook.

None of that nonsense had anything to do with actually facing the Dark Arts.

Bellatrix was convinced that no one that had not studied the Dark Arts had any hope of defeating them. And because most people avoided that type of magic like spiders avoid basilisks, she was always at an advantage.

The Dark Arts were like fire and ice. Ephemeral and eternal at the same time. They could bring out the worst in a witch. They could bring out the best. Their mastery required scholarliness and recklessness, faith and incredulity, hope and despair. Everything. And nothing.

For someone like Bella that was extremely alluring. She was young. Ambitious. Powerful. Excited about her intelligence. She wanted to know it all.

Practising the dark arts had a cost. Most wizards were afraid of that. Most wizards thought that meant something would be taken from them. That was too simplistic. Her colleagues were content to wave their wands and watch pretty lights emerging from the other end. They wanted to use their power to make things levitate, summon objects to where they were and take care of their basic human needs. Bellatrix knew there was more to magic than that. And powerful magic – truly powerful magic – always had a cost.

True courage, she thought, meant understanding this and being willing to pay that cost. Slytherin understood that. It was all over his teachings. True courage meant not running away from the maximal expression of your own power. Take that Gryffindor.

When it came to studying the Dark Arts, the Hogwarts Library proved to be a disappointment. She found the books she needed to further her knowledge at her family home.

The library was a legacy from generations of Blacks that proceeded her. Each had made contributions to the archives until the library had grown to the point where it rivalled famous wizarding collections such as the one in the ground level of the Ministry of Magic, or the Prewet collection at Mould-on-the-Wold, in Cotswolds.

When the Hogwarts library failed her a second time, Bella turned to her family's library again.

This time, however, the girl had a much harder time finding what she was looking for.

What she wanted… What she needed was a plan. There had to be something she could do to alter her situation. Bella had already started to realize time was not on her side. She was not ready for this, and she didn't think she was going to be ready for this. But she couldn't have been the first to deal with this type of thing, could she? There had to be someone else…

There was. Her great-aunt Dorea Black. Bellatrix found the answers she was looking for inside her diary.

Dorea had become pregnant when she was sixteen years old. It was an accident, but it was different from what had happened to Bella. It happened at Hogwarts.

He was her boyfriend at school. He was intelligent and sweet and the green of his uniform highlighted the colour of his eyes. The first time they had sex happened in an empty classroom on the fourth floor of the castle. Everybody else was watching the match in the Quidditch Pitch. It's not like they had planned it. They were just snogging at first, but one thing led to another, and before Dorea realized they were both on the floor of the classroom, their clothes lying around them. It was only later when she was writing in her diary about it that she thought of what might have happened if Peeves had come inside.

That wasn't the only time it happened. There was the time they cut Potions and stayed in his dormitory when all the other students were in class (boys can't come into our dormitory, but we can go into theirs, Dorea had written in her journal, excitedly, who knew?). The time the hid in a broomstick closet on the third floor. The time they did it behind one of the larger greenhouses after their last Herbology class.

Dorea wrote about it like it… Like it felt good. Like it was fun.

Bella had never known that sex could be like that.

The problem was that one of those time Dorea had gotten pregnant. She decided to have an abortion.

There was a potion that could do it. Dorea had copied down the recipe in the pages of her diary, and she added helpful notes on the corners of the page. It had been painful, she wrote. But it worked.

Bella would never be able to do it while she was still at the Manor. Dorea mentioned some awful side effects. She wouldn't be well for a couple of days. There would be blood. When she was back at Hogwarts, at least, she could hide.

Besides she didn't have the ingredients for the potion yet.

Bella had read the diary twice already, but she read some of it again that night, after copying down the list of ingredients she would need on a piece of parchment. Prior to her taking that potion, Dorea worried about a hundred different things. She seemed to have accepted the reality of what happened much sooner than her grandniece did. It was not until Bella read a paragraph in which Dorea worried about not being able to lay on her stomach (the only position in which she could think properly) that Bella realized she herself was lying on her stomach now.

The girl sighed. She slid the old diary back under her pillow and rolled over to lay on her back.

It hadn't even occurred to her that she shouldn't lay in that position anymore. She was so clueless! It was embarrassing…

Eventually, Bella started to feel sleepy. She hadn't felt like anything was wrong when she was laying on her stomach before. But what was the worst thing that could happen? Perhaps when she woke up she would discover that the whole… situation… had taken care of itself.

Wouldn't it be wonderful, she wondered, moments before she fell asleep. Wouldn't it be wonderful if everything went back to normal when she woke up? If the past few months had been nothing but a dream? There would be no more worries. No more nightmares. No more pain…

No more fear.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The next day, Bella carried a stack of shirts and robes with her to the bathroom. She tried them one by one and examined her reflection in the large mirror. Even from the side, she looked perfectly normal. The clothes were loose around her middle, and she seemed as tall and lean as she always had.

The last thing she tried on were her school robes.

Bella buttoned down the white shirt of her uniform and examined her reflection again. She turned to the side. Even from this angle, no one could possibly tell.

She pushed her abdominal muscles forward, inflating her belly, and watched the subtle rise of her white shirt just above the waistline of her skirt. Bella regretted the gesture immediately. She started breathing really fast. The girl sat down and looked away from the mirror, trying to remain calm. She looked down at her belly. Whatever curve she had noticed before, it was completely concealed by her shirt. For the moment, everything would be fine.

Bella had a whole other month before she had to be back at school. She was terrified to even think about what she would look like in her uniforms then.

* * *

_**Author's note** : This story has been Beta-Read by **davros fan** and by **TheOnlyCeeCeeJ**.Davros fan and I in particular had a lot of fun one afternoon refining an extra scene... _

_I look forward to reading your thoughts on this story... Please, do review  
_

_Live Long and Prosper _\\\/_


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER:** _The ideas are mine. The characters and everything that is in the Harry Potter Universe belong to J.K._

* * *

"Today?" Bellatrix asked, spreading some raspberry jam on her toast.

"Yes," her father confirmed, taking a sip of his coffee. "I have it on good authority from Malfoy that the O.W.L.s results will be arriving today. Abraxas is on the board of trustees at the school, you know."

He looked at Andromeda from the corner of his eye when he said that. Lucius, Abraxas only son was Andromeda's intended, and perhaps the father hoped to inspire something in his middle daughter with the knowledge that her future family was so well-placed in magical society. Andromeda, however, didn't even bother to look up at him.

Bellatrix had barely listened to those last few words about the board of trustees.

"Are you quite sure, Father, that no owls have arrived this morning?"

"Yes, Bellatrix, I would have noticed," Cygnus replied patiently. "But it's barely nine, there's still plenty of time…"

"I don't know why you care so much," Andromeda pointed out in a confrontational tone. "It doesn't matter if you flunked all of your tests, it's not like you're going to do anything with them."

Bellatrix was not the target of her sister's words. Their father was.

"If you cannot think of anything pleasant to say, Andromeda, please restrict your remarks to the weather," Cygnus ordered sharply.

"What happens if a person fails their O.W.L.s?" Cissy asked, with interest.

"In our case, nothing." Andromeda snapped back at her youngest sister. "With or without our O.W.L.s , either way, you end up married and pregnant, raising the next generation of pureblood wizards."

"Andromeda that's enough!"

"But I –"

"I will not tolerate this language at the breakfast table."

"I didn't say anything that is not true! It is what you expect of us, isn't it? That we get married and get out of your sight? I don't understand why do you even go to the trouble to send us to school What's the point? We can't choose our own friends, we can't date, we can't have a job or a career -"

Cygnus took a deep breath and the look in his eyes made Andromeda stop talking, her blood frozen inside her. When he spoke, his voice was cold with disdain:

"Jobs... Careers... Those things are for people who were born with nothing, Andromeda. You were born with everything and seem to have your mind set on becoming nothing."

A heavy silence followed his words, and after that. Andromeda was sent to her room.

Realizing that there would be no point in insisting, the girl dragged herself upstairs making a lot of noise as she climbed the stairs.

Andromeda was angry. Since her parents had found out about her trips to the village, she'd been confined to the house, and the girl hated being cooped up like that. Andy was like an unopened Howler: bound to blow up at unexpected moments of the day, and those moments usually happened during meals when the family was together. Her father usually sent her up to her room without finishing her food. Her mother seemed to believe Andromeda needed more punishment than that. Fortunately, however, Druella preferred to have breakfast in bed, so the girls were spared an unpleasant shouting match in the first hours of the day.

Cygnus went back to reading his copy of the daily prophet and Bella gave up on asking him any further questions about owls.

Bellatrix would never admit it - Merlin knew her sister needed no encouragement - but Andromeda had a point. The reason why many fifth-year students went through nervous break downs when the O.W.L.s were getting closer was that their results on those exams could alter their entire future; O.W.L.s mattered because many careers in the wizarding world required certain levels of academic performance. Be that as it may, neither Bellatrix nor any of her sisters were expected to pursue a career when they were finished with school. In that sense, she supposed it didn't really matter how well she had done on her exams.

Bellatrix wished her father had given reasons why Andromeda was wrong instead of simply sending her up to her room. She certainly couldn't think of any.

At the moment, however, it was difficult to concentrate on that. Instead, she went over her exams in her mind over and over again, trying to remember any obvious mistakes she might have made.

"I'm sure you did fine, Bellatrix," Cissy pointed out, trying to cheer her sister up and taking a generous bite of a piece of sausage with fried eggs.

"I know I messed up Ancient Runes,…" muttered Bella feverishly, "I definitely made at least one serious mistranslation. And the Potions practical was no good at all, to say nothing of the History of Magical exam…"

"Is that an owl?" Cissy interrupted, pointing out the window.

It was. A great horned owl flew into the dining room window, landing on the counter under a large oil painting of Cygnus Black the I riding an Abraxan winged horse. The wizard – who had been great-grandfather to Bellatrix and her sisters – steadied his palomino animal and dismounted, watching the great horned owl as it lifted its right leg.

Cissy moved forward and untied the letter from the animal's leg, patting the owl softly in the back. The purple wax seal in front of the thick, square envelope depicted Hogwarts' emblem. The large letter "H", surrounded by a lion, a racoon, an eagle, and a serpent. It was addressed to Bellatrix.

Every pair of eyes in the dining room was fixed on Bella. Even the great horned owl at the counter seemed to linger to hear about her results. She picked up the envelope from Cissy and broke the wax seal. She pulled out the letter and read.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore

(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)

Dear Miss Black,

Please find enclosed in this letter the score reports regarding your Ordinary Wizarding Levels (date of test: june/1970). We await your owl with the applications to N.E.W.E.T. level disciplines no later than the 15th of August.

Yours Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

Headmaster

The second piece of parchment inside the envelope read:

**Ordinary Wizarding Level Results**

Pass Grades:

Outstanding (O)

Exceeds Expectations (E)

Acceptable (A)

Fail Grades:

Poor (P)

Dreadful (D)

Troll (T)

**Bellatrix Cassiopeia Black** has achieved:

Ancient Runes: E

Arithmancy: A

Astronomy: E

Care of Magical Creatures: A

Charms: O

Defense Against the Dark Arts: E

Herbology: O

History of Magic: E

Potions: E

Transfiguration: O

"So?" Cygnus asked, trying not to demonstrate his curiosity about the results. Bella had not even noticed when her father stopped reading his copy of the Prophet to watch her from the corner of his eyes.

Bella handed him the parchment as soon as she was finished reading it through for the second time. She could read the disappointment in her father's eyes, but to Cygnus credit, he didn't say a word. Cissy, unable to stand to be the only one who didn't know what was written on the letter, whipped the parchment out of her father's hands and read it through.

"Ten O.W.L.s, Bella! And you passed everything! That's great, isn't it?"

Bella smiled faintly and stuffed her mouth with a toast to avoid having to give a response.

She understood exactly what her father was feeling because she was also disappointed with herself. Belatrix knew most students would have been thrilled to get her O.W.L. results, but as her father often pointed out, she was not "most students". He didn't expect her to be above average. He expected her to be the best. And Bellatrix expected that of herself as well. Up until the last few weeks of her fifth year, Bella would have thought she could get at least eight "Outstandings", perhaps nine. Instead, she had only gotten three, and she had barely scraped by in Arithmancy and Care of Magical Creatures.

It was unfair, she thought futilely, staring at the little black "E"s all over her score reports that all of those things had happened just weeks away from her exams. It was unfair that she hadn't been able to revise properly or to focus on those important last few lectures before the exams. It was unfair that she had been so ill, tired, worried, nervous and afraid and that all of that happened just before her exams. It was cruel beyond belief that the girl had spent the last few weeks before the most important set of exams she had ever taken sleeping poorly, eating badly and wrestling with her memories about the violence that had been done to her over the Easter Holidays.

If only her parents could have waited before setting up that dinner at Lestrange Manor… If only those things hadn't happened just before her O.W.L.s…

She could never tell her father any of those things. She could never make him understand.

The worst was, of course, that it didn't matter. The O.W.L.s were now part of the past. She couldn't take them again – they would never let her reseat the exams simply so she could boost up her scores to Outstanding levels.

In spite of the fact that she would never use her marks to start a career or a job, Bellatrix had always thought she would be able to look back at her academic performance with pride. She thought she would be able to say she could have gotten into any career she wanted, had she chosen to do so, but that's not how things turned out in the end. Instead, whenever she looked back at her O.W.L.s in the future she would be reminded of what had happened at Easter. Forever reminded of the worst moment in her life.

Whatever happened in the next few months, she was beginning to realize it was not going to be easy to simply move on from something like this. Lestrange had robbed her of much more than she realized when she was crying in the guest room of the house she hated, the house she was one day expected to call her own. It was all too much. It was too big, too insurmountable to forget and bury away.

Bellatrix was beginning to realize that whatever scars had been carved on her soul these past few months, they would remain with her forever. She had no idea how to even begin to deal with that.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The day they went to Diagon Alley was a gloomy Saturday, with clouds that promised spitting rain. The sky was low and dark, full of deep steel shades of blue-grey, and the wind blew savagely, touching the wizarding guild signs and in front of the shops, and making they dance. The emblems were made in wrought-iron and wood. The iron hinges sang when they moved, and those whistles and screeches joined the voices of witches and wizards in the narrow, diagonal cobblestone street.

"Where are your lists?" Cygnus asked.

Bellatrix and Cissy handed over their booklists to their father, while Cygnus fished a third list from the inside breast pocket of his robes. Andromeda's list. The girl had not been permitted to join them, given her recent excursions to the muggle village outside the family property. Andromeda had been rather cross about that. She protested insistently, talking about how she was looking forward to meeting her friends, but it was of no use. Druella had stayed home to ensure Andromeda's obedience.

Cygnus examined the list carefully.

"I suppose the two of you need new robes?"

"Yes," the girls replied in unison.

"Very well. The two of you can go to Madam Malkin's first. Bellatrix you can help your sister get fitted for new robes," he said, ignoring Cissy's annoyed protest. "I have business at Gringotts to attend, and then we can all meet at Flourish and Blotts. Does that sound okay?"

Bellatrix agreed and they parted ways. The girls watched as their farther walked to Gringotts in large strides before making their way to Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. Cissy complained about their father's behaviour all through the way to the shop. It wasn't that she minded getting robes with Bellatrix, she said, but she was not a baby anymore, and she resented being treated as such. She was, Cissy insisted, perfectly capable of getting fitted for robes on her own.

Bellatrix didn't say anything. If she were to speak candidly she had to admit she'd been hoping to visit the tailor's shop on her own. She had something very specific she wanted to purchase and she was trying to figure out a way to get it without her sister noticing what it was that she wanted to buy.

It was her mother who had given her the idea, unintendedly, a few nights before.

Her body was changing. It wasn't that the bump on her abdomen was very large yet, but it definitely seemed like she had gained some weight. Her breasts seemed a bit bigger. Even her thighs seemed to have some extra padding in comparison to how skinny she had been before.

Her mother had pointed that out during dinner one night. She looked at Bellatrix from head to toe, sizing her up when the girl came into the dining room. Bellatrix was embarrassed. She refrained the impulse to cross her arms in front of her stomach, fearing such a gesture might direct her mother's gaze to that part of her body.

"You are getting fat, Bellatrix," Druella said finally. "If you wish to continue to fit those dresses I got for you, you have to start watching what you eat."

Bellatrix had barely eaten any of her pasta that night. Instead, she moved the food around her plate with a fork while her mother went on and on about how Bellatrix's eating habits had changed, how she was eating too much, how she was starting to walk a path from which there would be no return...

Bella remained quiet. Oblivious as her mother might be about her condition, Bella knew her mother was right. Bellatrix had been eating a lot more than she used to, a dramatic contrast to those days just before her O.W.L.s when she barely ate anything at all.

When the morning sickness went away - that's what it was called, she had learnt - her appetite seemed to double. It felt good at first. After months of not being able to eat properly, feeling pleasure with her food was a welcomed feeling. One thing that made her feel good in spite of the sadness, the trauma, the fear and the constant anxiety she'd been experiencing since April. She barely realized she was eating so much more, or that some of her choices in the food department had become somewhat unorthodox. Come to think of it... It was not normal to have ice cream with toast. Not that it wasn't delicious.

When her mother pointed out the changes in her body and her eating habits, however, Bellatrix made a conscious effort to slow down. There were lots of things about what was happening to her that were out of her control. Bellatrix knew that. But she could control what she ate.

The girl didn't want to gain weight. She wanted to delay people learning about her condition for as long as she possibly could. She wanted to have her body back as soon as possible. Her young, athletic, skinny body, just the way it was when it all started.

She certainly didn't want to be called fat.

Overnight, Bellatrix went back to eating barely anything at all. Some days she had barely more than a slice of cheese all day. Her restraint did not go unnoticed at the dinner table. Her mother praised her commitment to maintaining her figure.

It was surprising how quickly your body could adapt when you stopped eating. She had bad headaches in the first couple of days after that unpleasant interaction with her mother, and she felt lightheaded and drained at times, as she had expected, but other than that, Bella was doing fine. She performed weighing spells to keep track of her weigh and celebrated when she realized she was two pounds lighter after only a few days. She also conjured a measuring tape to assess the circumferences of her thighs and her arms.

She never used the tape on her abdomen though. That would have been too hard.

The girl discovered, however, that it wasn't always easy to control what she ate.

It happened for the first time three nights ago. Bella had been tossing and turning in bed for two hours, unable to conceal any sleep. It wasn't just that she was hungry. Bellatrix was accustomed to being hungry. It was more than that hollow feeling inside her, more than the convulsions of her gut – which she could feel when she was very still. She knew there was chocolate in the pantry – uncle Ignatius had brought some from his latest trip to Switzerland – and Bella wanted it. She craved it more than she had ever craved anything in her life, and she suspected even if there hadn`t been any in the house, still she would have wanted some.

Bellatrix hated the feeling. She hated not being in control of her own body, hated feeling overwhelmed by those impulses and she did everything she could not to surrender to those wishes. She got out of the bed, took a shower, read some of her History of Magic book, and even did a couple of jumping jacks like they did when they were warming up for Quidditch practise at school. Nothing worked. She counted hippogriffs and stars and blades of glass but in the end, she tied up her robe and went downstairs to the pantry. She ate all of the chocolate in less than five minutes.

Nothing could have prepared her for the regret she experienced afterwards. Her mother's words kept rolling around in her head and eventually Bella made her way to the loo to empty her stomach in the toilet.

Making herself throw up was not as easy as she might have anticipated. It was not as simple as sticking a finger down her throat. It took effort. Time. She had to try several times before the contents of her stomach finally erupted from her mouth, and it hurt. It was entirely different from the morning sickness of the first few weeks. Before, when she was done throwing up, she was fine for most of the day. Now that uncomfortable burning sensation lingered long after there was nothing else in her stomach to get rid of.

Bella realized she wouldn't be able to keep that up for long.

And besides, she thought sadly, looking down at her stomach, it was not like it was going to make that much of a difference in the long run. Weeks ago she had realized that there was no halting this thing forever. She was torn. On one hand, she was happy to have control of at least one aspect of her body. She enjoyed the way she felt when she was hungry because she knew every aspect of that was under her control. There was dignity in that self-abuse. On the other hand, however, if she continued with that, it wouldn't be long before she passed out and when someone took her to a healer they would definitely find out about her secret. Bellatrix couldn't take that chance.

That was why she was going to Madam Malkin's. She had a plan.

A young witch, no doubt Madam Malkin's assistant came to the girls as they approached the door when they walked in.

"Hogwarts, girls?" she asked, "there are a couple of students here already, getting fitted for robes right now!"

She indicated two boys standing in small stools at the end of the corridor. Narcissa must have known the older one because he waved at her when their eyes met and the measuring tape got tangled around his right wrist.

"You can go first, Cissy," Bellatrix said, "I am going to look around for a while".

Cissy was off to join her friend before Bella could say another word, and the older girl walked quickly, her eyes perusing the shelves trying to find what she had come for. When she found the squat Madam Malkin working on needlepoint behind a tall desk at the other end of the shop, Bella decided to ask for assistance.

"Humm— Excuse me," she started awkwardly.

"Yes, dear," the smiling witch replied joyfully.

"I need a set of slimming robes," Bellatrix said decidedly, "I need the ones with the strongest slimming spells you've got."

"Certainly, dear," the witch replied, studying Bella over her rectangular spectacles. "But we shouldn't need that strong a spell for you, though,-"

"The strongest spell," Bella insisted.

The older woman nodded.

"Come with me, please."

She guided Bella to a stool in a different part of the shop and instructed her to remove her cloak. The witch slipped a long robe over her head and started pinning it to the right length. When she took the measuring tape to Bella's stomach, however, Madam Malkin halted. Her hand brushed against the middle of Bella's body and she felt the hardness of the young girl's stomach. Bella was terrified. Her fear turned to anger when her words came out.

"What where you're sticking that pin, woman!"

With a quick gesture, she pushed the witch's hand away from her.

Madam Malkin was frozen where she stood.

"Is that all?" Bella asked impatiently. "Have you finished the adjustments?"

"Dear," the older which started, "you do understand these robes aren't meant for –"

"I am buying the robes, I know exactly what they are for," Bella interrupted.

"Yes, but, -"

"I could just go to Twilfitt and Tatting's!"

"Of course," the tailor acquiesced, "It will only be a few more minutes."

When they were done, the owner of the shop folded the robes carefully and placed them on a box. Bella had gotten two, and Cissy too was carrying a box with her own robes. She stood a few metres away, waiting for Bella to finish her purchase and chatting to her friend who had also just been fitted for robes.

"You do understand," Madame Malkin lowered her voice to a whisper when she handed the box back to Bella, "that these robes are meant for visual concealment only? If someone were to touch you or come two close..."

"Yes," Bella replied curtly.

"And they won't— huh, they won't expand when you – if you need bigger ones –"

"I understand," Bella agreed, making her best efforts not to demonstrate her worries about that information.

Madame Malkin sighed and bit her lower lip.

"Are you sure you don't need any help, dear?" She asked finally, reaching out to hold Bella's hand over the counter "I could serve you tea in the back, you could talk to me. You're so young you shouldn't –"

"Don't touch me!" the girl said, harshly, "retrieving her hand as if the older woman's touch could burn her. "Come on Cissy, let's go."

Cissy followed quickly as her sister left the shop. She looked back before the door closed. The little girl could not decode the look in the tailor's eyes.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

They met their father at Flourish and Blotts. He was still in line to pay for the books in spite of the fact that Bella had insisted on stopping at Apothecary before heading to the book shop. She had applied to continue studying Potions at N.E.W.E.T. level and she needed ingredients. The N.E.W.E.T.s must indeed be exhaustive and interesting, Cissy considered, for she was entirely unfamiliar with most of the ingredients Bella placed in her shopping bag.

Obviously, her baby sister didn't know N.E.W.E.T. level classes were the farthest thing from her mind when she was choosing those ingredients.

The bookshop was crowded. The rain had finally started and many witches and wizards took refuge in the small café at the back or sat in one of the comfortable armchairs in between shelves to browse through the pages of one book or another. There were many Hogwarts students there with their parents, and it didn't take long for the girls to encounter people that they knew.

Bellatrix and Narcissa joined a small group of Slytherins at the invisibility section of the bookshop while they waited for their father. Narcissa quickly started a conversation with Gibbon and Bella was looking at the books distractedly when the Carrows approached her from behind.

"So… Have you heard?"

"Have I heard what?"

"About the conscription! Everyone is talking about it,-" Alecto started

"We assumed Rodolphus would have told you," Amycus added. He was a year of his sister and Bella at school, but he constantly walked with Lestrange's circle.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Bella said.

"The Dark Lord!" Alecto whispered excitedly, "He-who-must-not-be-named, has issued a conscription call to join his ranks."

"He wants to see us during our first Hogsmeade weekend," her brother explained.

"Why?"

"Avery said he wants to talk to us about his ideas for the Wizarding World. He wants young people by his side!"

"I think he means to test us. He will only want the strongest of us in his inner circle!"

"He means to rebuild everything the muggle-loving blood traitors who run the Ministry have destroyed these past few years. He wants to improve the quality of life for all wizards, and usher us into a new era of peace, without subservience to muggles and their ways."

"How do you know all that?" Bella asked.

"Lestrange's father told me when we visited their Manor last week. He is sending letters. We received our owls this morning… Yours can't be far behind! He says every Slytherin who has passed their O.W.L.s will be given a chance to participate!"

"Only Slytherins?"

"He only wants the best by his side," Amycus said matter-of-factly.

"They say He is the heir of Slytherin himself!"

"Bellatrix?"

It was her father's voice. Bella said her goodbyes to the Carrows and joined him and Cissy as they left the shop.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

That night, Bella went to her bedroom early. She lay on her back for a long time conjuring colourful smoke rigs with her wand and watching them dissipate on-air as she thought about what she had heard.

The letter the Carrows had mentioned at Flourish and Blotts was waiting for her on top of her pillow that night. It was different from the letters she'd gotten from Hogwarts. There was nothing about her address at all in the back, nothing to indicate how the owl had managed to find the recipient at all. Instead, there was only her name, written in bright red ink:

To Mss. Bellatrix,

Daughter of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black

The letter had been sealed with green wax, and there was an emblem Bella had never encountered before. A large letter V, enwrapped by the Slytherin serpent on one side.

Actually, now that she stopped to think about it, her window was closed. There was no indication at all that an owl had been in her room. Bellatrix had no idea how that letter had appeared in her pillow.

For the few months that preceded that summer, the kids at Hogwarts didn't seem able to talk about anything other than that Dark Lord. They believed he was the heir of Slytherin and he was a Parselmouth . They said he had the power to transform himself into a giant snake with venom ten times as powerful as that of a basilisk. They said he didn't need a wand to perform magic and that the charms and hexes shot right out of his fingertips at the slightest thought. They said he knew no fear.

Bellatrix wasn't sure she believed those stories. It seemed unlikely that a wizard no one had ever heard of before could be capable of all of those things. And yet, that latter had arrived on her pillow without the aid of an owl and already that was magic beyond anything the girl had ever seen.

Some of what they said about him must be true.

He-who-must-not-be-named was recruiting young people to join him. If half the things Bella had heard about that wizard were true, he would already be an impressive individual. All her life she had listened to the adults in her family complaining loudly about the directions the ministry had taken. All her life she had listened to stories about the old days, the days when wizards were not forced to hide their magic away. The International Statute of Secrecy was sham, Grandfather Pollux had said. She knew many other pureblood families felt the same, but somehow, in spite of the fact that the Statute had been established in 1692, no one had ever done anything concrete about it. That is, until now.

For the first time in a long time, there was a real possibility of change. The winds of war had been blowing from the east and the west, and everything indicated they were on the winning side. The Daily Prophet seemed to be pretending that nothing was going on, but the news of disappearances, accidents and even deaths had other ways to reach Black Manor. Only last week, Claudius Yaxley and his wife had come to dinner, and he had told the Blacks all about how the Dark Lord had given the Oakland Abbey back to the Bulstrodes, after nearly 100 years of litigious squabble.

"The property had belonged to the Bulstrodes' estate since the XIII century," Mr Yaxley argued. "The muggles took it from them at the turn of the century due to a legal technicality in the paperwork, and the Ministry refused to give them permission to use magic to gain back their home."

"Madness," Cygnus agreed. "And the Bulstrodes are part of the sacred 28!"

"Indeed. But the Dark Lord took the matters into his own hands and resituated the property back to the rightful owners."

"What did he do to the Muggles?" Andromeda had asked.

"He used the killing curse," Claudius explained. "It was merciful really. They didn't even see what hit them."

That conversation went on for nearly an hour.

Earlier that day, Bella had noticed how different the Diagon alley was from the other times she had visited the shopping hub. The colourful, glittering window displays of screeching owls, strange potion ingredients and cutting edge Quidditch apparel were lost to view, hidden behind large Ministry Propaganda Posters. The posters had sayings like: "John is a muggle, he is not that different from you," "Secrecy is not a choice. It's a necessity," and "Remember the stake?". A colourful sketch of a tortured witch-burning in yellow-orange flames accompanied that last one.

Many of the people who walked by seemed to be in a hurry. Hardly anybody was shopping alone. Even the shoppers stayed together in tightly knitted groups.

The noticeable exception to that strange behaviour were her Father and the other pureblood wizards they had seen. Her father walked tall and unafraid, guiding his daughters through the people as they picked up materials for their next school year. Cygnus had nothing to fear from the Dark Lord. He was not a traitor to his blood. Bellatrix wanted to be like that as well. She wanted to know that powerful wizard whose name inspired so much fear no one ever dared pronouncing it out loud. She wanted to learn from him.

She wanted to be feared. She didn't want to be afraid anymore.

* * *

_**Author's note** : This chapter has been Beta-Read by **davros fan.** Any remaining mistakes are entirely my responsibility. _

_Thanks for reading. There was a small delay in posting this chapter, but now I am back on track... next chapter will be up within ten days... I would be grateful if you left me a review to let me know what you think of the story so far._

_Additionally, I usually reply to reviews via private message, but this time I couldn't because the reviewer didn't have an ff profile. I would just like to thank M. for the awesome feedback on chapter 5. I am glad you like the story, and that our vision of what kind of people the Black sisters are is similar, at least a little bit. Your review was incredibly motivating, I hope you keep on reading._

_Live Long and Prosper._


	7. Chapter 7

DISCLAIMER: The ideas are mine. The characters and everything that is in the Harry Potter Universe belong to J.K.

* * *

"Bellatrix?"

"Aunt Walburga," Bella said, sitting up straight in her bed when she heard her aunt knocking, "please come in."

A silver tray with a teapot and two mugs floated inside before Walburga walked in and closed the door. She took a seat on her niece's bed while the tray landed on Bella's nightstand.

"Is everything alright, Bella?"

The girl's heart started beating rapidly. Did she know?

"Yes," she answered quickly, while her aunt poured them some tea.

"I heard you got your O.W.L.s. I was proud of you when your father told me. Ten O.W.L.s is pretty impressive, Bella."

Bella shrugged.

"I could have done better. I only got three Os."

She sounded sad. In truth, she was very disappointed with herself. If the circumstances had been different, she was sure she would have gotten Outstanding grades across the board, but instead, she got Exceeds Expectations on half her O.W.L.s. She supposed she should consider herself lucky to even get grades that high, all things considered, but still, it didn't seem fair. It wasn't fair that the fumes in the potion's practical exam made her dizzy, that she felt like she had a set of knives ripping her apart during the History of Magic test, or that she felt drained and weak during the entire exam season. She hadn't chosen any of that. She was barely even aware of what was going on at the time. Someone had done that to her. Lestrange had done that to her, in the most violent way imaginable. And nobody knew about it. Nobody could know about it. It wasn't fair.

Walburga studied her niece's face for a moment.

"I know you think your father is disappointed, but—"

"I know he is disappointed," Bella pointed out.

"No, Bella," Walburga said softly, placing a hand on her niece's shoulder. "He is proud of you, he knows ten O.W.L.s aren't easy to achieve. He just… doesn't know how to show that to you."

"That's not true," Bella argued. "Father cares about my grades. It's the only thing he cares about. I know he expected me to get Outstandings in all disciplines."

"It is not the only thing he cares about," Walburga insisted. "Things were different when we were growing up. Your grandfather was very close to your father, and he taught Cygnus that a girl's education should be left to the mother. He does love you, though. He demonstrates his interest in you in his own way, and one of his ways is by paying attention to how well you and your sisters do in school."

Bella must have been looking at her aunt with an expression that suggested that that was stupid because Walburga laughed.

"I know! I know it's not very smart of him, Bella, but he is a man after all! There's only so much us girls can expect from them. He only ever got five O.W.L.s, did you know that? He's nowhere near as clever as us."

Bella smiled a little.

"I don't even know why he cares so much. Andromeda does have a point, doesn't she? It's not like we're going to use these O.W.L.s for anything later."

"Don't say that, sweet girl," Walburga reprimanded her gently, "we don't study magic because of what it can do for us, we study magic because it's part of who we are. Because getting better at magic is the only path to becoming the best possible version of yourself."

Bella looked at her aunt in the eye for a moment. There were many unasked questions in that look.

"I know it's difficult," Walburga continued, seriously, looking her niece in the eye. "When I was your age, I watched many of the other students talk about their plans to become healers and professors, and I resented my parents for not giving me that option. It seemed unfair. But I realize I also had something the other students didn't. I had our family. And family is the most important thing."

"But—" Bella started, but stopped herself.

"Go ahead," her aunt encouraged her.

"I am not even going to be a part of the family anymore! I am going to become a Lestrange!"

"You will always be a Black, Bella. You may not have our name anymore, but you will always have our blood. And you will raise your children to be Black as well, in everything but their name."

That mention of children made Bella shift uncomfortably in her place.

"I know most of the other students are excited about their careers. I know they are talking about how it is their dream to become musicians, or Aurors, or Curse-Breakers. But when you get to my age, you will realize that those "dreams" are nothing but hot air. It is a weakness of the young, and those of lower birth have no family to protect them from giving in to it. Most of these kids will become menial Ministry workers, frustrated healers and frustrated artists. That is what happened to most of the people your father and I went to school with. They realize, too late, that the 'pursuit of their dreams' left them with nothing, whilst we, who put family first, have everything."

Bellatrix took a sip of her tea, listening attentively.

"The reason we have such a strong family, Bella, the reason we have such a powerful legacy, is that we put family first. Family takes sacrifice. We sacrifice our feeble youthful desires and step up to meet what is expected of us. And that makes us that much stronger. Pursuing what one thinks is one's dreams is selfish. It's for mudbloods and blood traitors, half-breeds, mutants and by-products of filth and scum. We are better than they are. We are part of something larger."

Bellatrix bit her lower lip, then she nodded. She understood. Or she thought she understood. She at least pretended to understand, because the last thing she wanted was for her aunt to think less of her.

Aunt Walburga kissed her forehead.

"I am worried about your sister," she changed the subject. "Do you know what Andromeda was doing in that muggle village?"

Bella shook her head, no.

"I tried talking to her, but she won't listen. I don't know where she got that from, you were never that difficult, even at her age. I'm afraid Sirius is going the same way. Do keep an eye on her when you're back at school, Bella, okay?"

"I will," Bella answered. Merlin knew she was trying…

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

It was fortunate that the weather was getting colder because her t-shirts could no longer hide the noticeable bump in her abdomen. As the month of August drew to a close, Bellatrix started wearing baggy jumpers. Every day, she worried someone would notice the strange shape of her body under the fabrics. It wasn't the shape of a body that had simply put on a few pounds. If they could see it, she feared they would know. Her secret was safe, in part because no one in her family would ever expect Bella to be in such a predicament. No one would think to look.

The oversized jumpers had yet another advantage: they covered the waistband of her shorts. Bella had been so skinny before that already her shorts felt tight around her middle, even though her belly wasn't very large yet.

Once, no more than a week before, she had been so uncomfortable that she made up an excuse to leave the dinner table and go to the loo, just so she could pull her shorts down and relieve the pressure on her belly. The elastic band had left deep marks on her lower abdomen, and the girl massaged the sore spots with the tips of her fingers, trying more than succeeding to ease the tension a little bit. After that, she'd resorted to wearing denim shorts that remained unbuttoned and unzipped for comfort.

She was eager to go back to Hogwarts. Bella had bought new uniforms in bigger sizes and they ought to feel more comfortable than her regular old clothes. She was looking forward to concealing her belly under the slimming charms of her new robes. She would feel safer that way. She trusted magic more than she trusted the optical illusion properties of her own oversized clothes.

Besides, once she went back to school she wouldn't have to conceal anything for much longer.

Most of the time, she tried not to think about it. Bellatrix avoided touching her abdomen as much as she could.

By her calculations, she was 18 weeks along. Her fifth month.

Three days before they were due back at school, Bella decided to pack her trunk. Her new robes, the potion ingredients and most of her things were already packed, and now she was checking her new books to see if she had everything she would need for her N.E.W.T. classes. Bella had applied to seven N.E.W.T.s and because those were advanced classes, her booklist had never been bigger.

_**HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY** _

  * Set Books (6th year):
  * The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 6, by Miranda Goshawk
  * Quintessence: A Quest, by Dana Foxenberry
  * Advanced Potion-Making, by Libatius Borage
  * A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration, by Emeric Switch
  * Flesh-eating Trees of the World, by Severinus Sankt-Wendel
  * Confronting the Faceless, by Loreena Winterstorm
  * Understanding the Stars – A Guide to Constellations, by Thyco Messier
  * Modern Magical History, by Ken Crowell
  * Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century, by Olivia Hill



  
She arranged all of those books in a careful pile on top of her brass cauldron in the trunk. Bella had been flipping through the pages of "Flesh-Eating Trees of the World" when Narcissa walked in, jumped on her bed and opened a bag of pepper imps.

An overpowering wave of nausea took over Bellatrix as soon as the scent of the imps hit her nostrils, and she ran off to the loo as fast as she could.

She didn't know why the smell of the pepper imps made her feel sick. It had never happened before. Nevertheless, before she even had the time to ask herself that question, her stomach contracted painfully and the vomit came up, burning her insides like acid. Her knees hit the cold porcelain tiles almost as soon as she entered the bathroom, and she heaved violently in the toilet bowl.

Narcissa held back Bella's hair while her sister was sick. Bellatrix had been in such haste that there had been no time to cast a sound muffling spell, let alone lock the door, and her little sister followed her inside the bathroom almost as soon as she went in. Bellatrix had not heard Cissy entering behind her, but she felt her presence when her sister kneeled next to her and used her free hand to draw circles around Bella's back, over her sweater. Bellatrix knew she was supposed to send Cissy away, that the younger girl should not see this, but she remained quiet for several moments, enjoying the reassuring presence by her side. It made her feel better than she cared to admit to having Cissy with her. To not be alone.

It took every ounce of strength she could muster to tell Cissy to go away.

"Are you feeling better?"

Bellatrix simply nodded, not meeting Cissy's eyes.

"Could you –" she hesitated, straightening herself up, "could you take the pepper imps away from my room while I brush my teeth?"

Cissy nodded, leaving her sister alone to brush her teeth and wash her face before joining her again.

When Bellatrix got back to her room her little sister was waiting for her on her bed, pulling her knees close to her chest.

"I want to be alone, Cissy."

"Bella, what happened?"

"I must have eaten something that I shouldn't have, that's all."

"That's not it, Bella! You are barely eating anything at all, don't you think I've noticed?"

"I don't know what you mean, Cissy."

"I know something is happening, to you. That day in the lake you ran away out of the blue and you never went back. You spend all of your time alone in your room. This isn't even the first time you've been sick in the past few days. I've heard you getting sick before. I know something is going on!"

"It's nothing, Cissy."

"Why won't you trust me?"

"I do trust you."

"Then talk to me."

"I can't! There's—There's nothing to tell, Cissy. You're too young for this, okay?"

"I am only three years younger than you."

"I know," Bella replied, but she wasn't able to hide the condescending tone in her voice. "I told you, it's nothing!"

"Stop it, Bella! I'm thirteen years old, I'm not stupid."

"I don't think you're stupid," Bella said slowly.

"You have to stop treating me like I'm a baby! You do that, all of you. You and Andy, and Mother and Father. I am not a little girl anymore."

But you are a little girl… Bellatrix thought to herself, and a heavy silence followed before she could think of a way to phrase what she wanted to say.

"You haven't even started your third year, Cissy."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything. Look—" Bella paused for a moment, "I don't want to lie to you. There is something going on, but it's grown-up stuff. It's stuff I can't talk about with you."

"Who else have you got?" Cissy asked, looking at her sister straight in the eye.

Bellatrix didn't have an answer to that. It was like listening to the vocalization of the thought that had haunted her for the past 18 weeks. She didn't have anybody. She didn't have anyone to turn to.

"Let me help you," Cissy said in a thin voice, cutting through the silence.

"Okay," Bellatrix said, standing up and walking to the door, "Okay," she repeated, locking the door and going back to sit on her bed, facing her youngest sister. "I am going to tell you, but you have to promise, promise me you are not going to tell Mother, or Father, or Aunt Walburga, or anyone else. Nobody. Okay?"

"I promise," Cissy said solemnly.

"Do you remember what happened on Easter? The things I told you on the train?"

"Of course? Did Lestrange—"

"No, listen, did you understand what happened?"

Cissy thought for a moment, and when she spoke her voice was much lower.

"I know he raped you, Bella."

It was Bella's time to pause for a moment. She had not expected that. When she told her sister about what had happened, Bellatrix had been intentionally vague. She wanted to spare Cissy the horrors of what she went through. Cissy was too young to know. Bella had never even used that word out loud before. Rape. What did that make of her?

"I still think we should get back at him," Cissy continued, "somehow."

"No," Bella said urgently, "I don't want you anywhere near that family, Cissy. Especially that – especially him, okay?"

If Bella had been unable to protect herself, imagine her baby sister.

"Okay," Cissy agreed, unwillingly

They paused for a moment.

"Well, anyway… He did that on Easter, and later I found out that it was not all… I discovered that when that happened I got.. I was…"

Cissy waited, but Bella didn't say anything. Then she whispered the word in such a low voice Cissy had to read her lips to understand what she was saying.

Pregnant.

Cissy covered her mouth with her hands. Bella lowered her eyes. Cissy's eyes went from her sister's face to her stomach to the floor and it was a few moments before either of them could say something.

"Are you sure?" Cissy finally broke the silence.

Bella nodded.

"I used a potion. Something I found in a book. And I can—feel- my body is—different…"

Cissy's eyes travelled down to her sister's abdomen.

"So this is why you started wearing jumpers all the time," Cissy said. "I can't even see it."

Bella considered lifting her shirt but she didn't think she could do it. Instead, she held her sister's hand and guided it to the curve of her abdomen. She pressed Cissy's hand down until she could feel it. That hardball inside her, just below her navel.

"Oh, Bella," Cissy held her sister's hand and gave it a little squeeze.

"I know…"

"That day at the pool,-"

"I was afraid everyone would see it through the wet clothes, and someone would figure it out."

Cissy nodded, it made sense now, and she felt a little stupid for not realizing it at the time. She was a girl, after all, she should have seen it.

"I don't think anybody noticed, it," Cissy added after a while, trying to put her sister's mind at ease.

It was a few moments before Cissy spoke again:

"Does it hurt?"

Bella shook her head.

"Not anymore. I got sick all the time in the beginning, around the exams, but that stopped a couple of weeks ago. And something really weird happened during my History of Magic O.W.L…"

"During the exam? So that's why you got an E in History of Magic! I was sure you were going to get an O in that one! You're the only student whose name Professor Bins actually remembers!"

"I should have gotten O's in a lot of other disciplines," Bella said bitterly.

Narcissa squeezed her hand again.

"What happened?"

"It started with pain. Cramps around here, you know, kind of like when we get our—" she started, placing a hand in her lower abdomen, but then she realized that her sister was blushing slightly because she didn't actually know what that was like yet.

"Huhum," Cissy encouraged her to go on.

"Anyway, I thought that's what it was, you know? My… time-of-the-month," Bellatrix lowered her voice to almost a whisper, "but then it started to get worse, more painful than anything I've ever experienced before. I could barely finish my test and for the last few minutes, all I could do was sit there and wait for the exam to be over."

"Did you go to Madam Pomfrey?"

"No. I hid away in the bathroom on the second floor."

"The one no one ever goes to?"

"Yes. That's when I realized that I had actually been missing my… you know… for a while. You know about that right?"

Cissy nodded.

"It hurt so bad I thought I was losing it. But I didn't," Bella concluded.

"Did you bleed?" Cissy asked.

"Only a little."

"Hmm, you would have bled a lot if you had had a miscarriage," the younger girl said, thoughtfully.

"How do you know that?"

"That's what happened to Charlotte last year."

"Charlotte Parkinson? The girl in your dorm?"

"Hmm," Cissy nodded, "she didn't even know what was happening, at first, but she lost a lot of blood. We all helped her hide in our dormitory for a couple of days until she recovered."

"What?"

"It happened in February, I think. One day she started getting bad cramps in her tummy, but we all thought it was just a girl thing… She had already started… you know… Then, after a week or so, she got really ill in the middle of our Charms class. Trish caused a diversion, she used a levitation charm on one of the books Professor Flitwick was standing over and he fell off. Several boys rushed to help the professor and when everyone else was distracted I helped Char get back to our dorm. It was lucky too because I don't think she could have walked out on her own… There was a lot of blood on her skirt. It was scary. There was some on her chair also. Liv told us she cleaned it up so the boys wouldn't notice. Then the girls met us in our dorm and we took turns looking after her for a couple of days until she felt better."

"Didn't you go to Madam Pomfrey?"

"She didn't want to. She told us she met an older boy over at Christmas break, but her mother didn't know about him. I think he was seventeen or something. They did… stuff… You know… but she wanted it,… sort of, I think. It wasn't against her will. But I don't think she liked it very much. And I know she didn't realize that something like that could happen. I mean, I didn't even know something like this could happen if a girl was not married yet, you know?"

"Yeah, I used to think so too,…" Bella said, feeling a little numb

"Anyway, Liv figured it all out and explained it to us… She had talked to her big sis about that kind of stuff, and we got a few books in the library… but there wasn't much."

"Cissy, why didn't you tell me?" Bella asked.

"I don't know… We all promised to keep it a secret but I know you wouldn't tell anyone. I guess I was just embarrassed. I hadn't even got my you-know-what yet… We have never talked about these things. We just… We don't do that."

Bella was thunderstruck. She thought of herself and of how scared and lonely she had been that day in the second floor's bathroom. Then she thought of her sister. Not in million years would she have guessed Cissy was confronted with something like this on her second year of school. On the one hand, she was proud of how mature her sister was, but on the other hand, she was worried. Cissy shouldn't have learned any of that from the older sister of another girl in her year. She shouldn't have had to keep that a secret. It dawned on her that the same thing that had happened to her might happen to Cissy. That she was just as vulnerable.

Bella thought about all of the things she didn't know. She thought about what her ignorance had cost her. She never wanted that to happen to her sister.

"I'll tell you what," Bella said, taking a deep breath, "from now on, no more secrets between us, okay? Whenever you want to talk about something or ask me any questions, you do that, right? Even if it is about embarrassing stuff… in fact, especially if has to do with embarrassing stuff."

"Okay," Cissy replied, with a smile.

"And whatever we don't know I guess we can figure out together."

Cissy nodded…

Bella looked down again, her thoughts back to the problem at hand.

"What is it? Do you feel okay?"

"Yes… I mean, physically I'm fine. But, I can't stop thinking about it. In a way, these thoughts and feelings are much worse than anything physical right now. "

"But you did get sick today," Cissy added.

"It was that bag of black pepper imps you opened. The smell of it made my stomach all weird."

"Oh my God, Bella, I'm sorry,"

"It's okay, Cissy," Bella said, reaching out to hold her sister's hand, "you didn't know."

"Yeah, but still… I should be making you feel better, not sicker," she said.

"You are making me better, sis," Bella said with a smile. It was true. She felt a weight lifted from her shoulders since she started telling her sister everything. "Do you think Mum or Dad noticed it? That I've been getting sick?"

"No," Cissy said, "Andy may have noticed it. Are you going to tell her?"

"I don't know…"

"I wish the two of you would stop arguing."

Bellatrix sighed.

"Me too, Cissy… Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has been Beta-Read by davros fan and TheOnlyCeeCeeJ.Any remaining mistakes are my responsibility.
> 
> Bella will be back in school next chapter, and it should be up in the next ten days or so.
> 
> Thank you to everybody who's reached this point in the story, please review, I would very much appreciate some feedback.
> 
> Live Long and Prosper.


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER:** _The ideas are mine. The characters and everything that is in the Harry Potter Universe belong to J.K._

* * *

Bellatrix met Narcissa in the common room before breakfast that morning. It was the morning of September 2nd. The day after the Start-of-Term Feast.

"What do you think?" Bellatrix asked eagerly as soon as she joined her younger sister near the fireplace.

"Are those your new robes?" Narcissa asked in whispers, her eyes travelling from her sister's head to her toes, and stopping deliberately around her stomach to examine the slimming effect of Bella's new uniforms. "It looks great, Bella! I can't tell at all!"

Bella looked to the side, examining her own silhouette reflected in the window. She looked like herself again. Her school robes were not exactly form-fitting, but they were tailored to her size and Madame Malkin's slimming spells made sure that her stomach looked as flat as it had ever been.

"I'm just happy I won't need them for long," Bellatrix said thoughtfully, her eyes still examining her own reflection in the glass. Most students wore their robes open over the rest of their uniforms, but that was out of the question for now. Although her grey jumper would probably suffice to hide the small bump in her middle, Bellatrix felt much safer hiding her secret with magic than relying on an oversized jumper and on the lack of observation skills of her teenaged classmates.

"Do you want to do it tonight?" Narcissa asked in a low voice.

Bella didn't have to ask what she meant.

"No. Not tonight. I still have to –" she started, but halted suddenly when she noticed a third-year boy standing a little too close to her and her sister, trying to listen in to their conversation.

"Keep walking, Lestrange," Narcissa snapped at him when she followed her sister's eyes to understand why she'd stopped talking.

"I was just—" Rabastan started, but Cissy had no intention of letting him finish.

"We don't care," she said firmly, taking Bella's arm and joining the queue to leave the common room through the passage on the wall.

"Did you see Andromeda this morning?" Bellatrix asked as soon as they were walking up the first narrow staircase on their way to the Great Hall.

"No. Perhaps she left earlier for breakfast?"

Bella sighed.

Prior to taking the Hogwarts Express back to school, Andromeda and Bella had had yet another argument. Bella didn't even remember what was it that they argued about, only that it had prevented her from opening up to her sister once again. Last night, when she sneaked out of the Start-of-Term feast to get to the common room earlier, she didn't tell Andromeda where she was going. A part of her expected her sister to be waiting for her in the common room this morning, eager to ask her why she had left early and wondering if everything was alright. Andromeda, however, didn't seem to have given the matter a second thought.

By the time the girls got to the Great Hall, the first thing she saw was her middle sister sitting with a group of fifth years at the nearest end of the Hufflepuff table. Other than during the most ceremonial occasions, there was no express rule that a student had to sit at his or her house table at all times, but it was highly unusual to see a Slytherin at any other table like that. Andromeda, however, didn't seem at all concerned about being with a group of Hufflepuffs, only two of which were pure of blood. Actually, she seemed deeply absorbed in their conversation. The girl who was speaking had probably said something funny, because the entire group burst out laughing, Andromeda with them. It was horrible to watch.

Cissy left to pick up her new schedule and Bella took a seat at a more scarcely populated area of their house table. She had barely taken a bite in her toast, however when somebody else awakened her from her musings.

"Quidditch tryouts! This Saturday! I have the pitch reserved for us all morning."

"What?" Bellatrix said, turning to look at the captain of the Slytherin team, sitting directly across from her.

"Tryouts, Black!" He sounded exasperated. "Half our team graduated the last term, in case you don't remember, so we need to select some new players."

"Quidditch, right…"

"I want the whole team there, or what's left of us, to show the new people how we do things. We need to find a good Keeper if we want to remain with that cup."

"Saturday. Okay."

"Great, I'll see you there. I already got a small list of people who are interested in joining the team, but if anybody comes up to you for information, just send them my way."

Before Bella could even answer, he was yelling "HIGGS!" and rushing to reach the team's Seeker at the other end of the table.

Cissy took a seat on her right.

"Did you get your schedule?" Bella asked, spreading some raspberry jam on her toast.

"Yes."

Cissy threw the piece of parchment on the table between them and Bella understood the lurid notes in her voice as soon as she laid eyes on her new third-year timetable.

"A bit crowded, isn't it?"

"I wish I hadn't chosen three elective disciplines! I don't have any free periods!"

"It's not that bad, Cissy. Look, you're starting some new subjects today!"

"I wish I was a sixth-year. I hear sixth-years get lots of free periods."

"They're not exactly free, Cissy. We need that time to study."

"But still," Cissy started, but the rest of her argument was muted when the post arrived and hundreds of owls flew into the upper windows with a whoosh and a clatter bringing letters and packages to their owners.

Bellatrix would have liked nothing better than to get up and leave, but she needed her new timetable, and for that, she would have to wait. The distribution of sixth-year schedules was more complicated than usual because professor Slughorn needed first to confirm that everybody had achieved the necessary O.W.L. grades to continue with their N.E.W.T.s. Since the potion master was still at the main table, unpacking a large box of crystallised pineapples, it was safe to say it would be a while.

Bellatrix's eyes travelled over the Great Hall watching the other students as they went about their morning. Two seats away from her, a seventh-year girl moved a plate of sausages to the side to make room for the large barn owl that brought her copy of the Daily Prophet. At the other end of the table, the Quidditch captain - who seemed to be demonstrating one of their new strategies for the year with a jug of orange juice and some cutlery - was still badgering poor Higgs. A tiny first-year student desperately tried to wipe away some chocolate from his white shirt. He'd clumsily spilt the liquid over himself, startled as he was by the arrival of the post a few minutes earlier.

Bella's eyes landed, however, on Rodolphus Lestrange, who was sitting next to his younger brother, not far from where Bella herself was. A beautiful boreal owl had just landed in front of Rabastan, and Rodolphus was busy untying the package from the bird's legs. The younger boy padded the animal gently, offering her some small pieces of toast while his brother opened up the package. He seemed very disheartened.

"I knew it," Rodolphus said, reaching inside the box and taking out what looked like a standard Slytherin tie. "I told you you didn't have to worry about forgetting your tie, Rab."

"Did Father send it to me?"

"Well… no... The elf did." Rodolphus answered. When his brother's smile faded a little bit, he poked the smaller boys on the ribs. "But he probably ordered her to send it to you!"

"Right…" Rabastan said, picking up the tie.

"Here, let me help you with this."

Bellatrix watched as Rodolphus lifted the collar of his brother's shirt and carefully worked on a knot for his uniform's tie. She knew she shouldn't be staring. The last thing she wanted was to draw Lestrange's attention to her – that had been the whole point of leaving the feast early last night. Yet, she didn't seem able to avert her eyes from the scene. There was something about it, she didn't quite know what it was. Then it hit her. She had never seen Rodolphus acting so tenderly to anybody before.

She watched as he adjusted the knot on Rabastan's tie and fixed his collar again. Then, with a smile, he ran his fingers through his brother's hair and reached for a silver spoon so Rabastan could check his own reflection on it.

"Looking great, kid."

"Rod, my hair!" Rabastan said urgently, using his hands to try and put his hair back in order again.

Rodolphus laughed. It was not the same laugh Bellatrix remembered from that horrible night last Easter. It was something else.

"What else did she send?" Rabastan asked, but before Rodolphus could respond, Professor Slughorn was behind him, checking his timetable for the year.

"Herbology, fine. Well done for your Outstanding O.W.L. in that subject, by the way, Lestrange, I wish you had done as well in my class," Slughorn started, unaware that there was a small piece of pineapple stuck in his large moustache. "I see you chose not to go ahead with the Potions N.E.W.T. Very well. Charms, fine…"

Bellatrix went back to focusing on her breakfast before the professor had finished. She wasn't quite sure what to make out of the scene she had just witnessed. A few minutes later, Professor Slughorn walked up to her, and she was promptly cleared to continue with her chosen subjects.

"Seven N.E.W.T. classes, eh, Bellatrix? It's going to be a challenging year!"

Bellatrix smiled weakly, picking up her timetable.

Only for a few more days, she thought. After that, everything is going to make sense again.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"What now?"

"Now we wait, I guess."

They waited. Bellatrix was sitting with her back against the wall next to the large bathtub and Cissy was a few feet away, looking around the room with curiosity. She had never been in the prefect's bathroom before. It seemed to her like it would be worth becoming a prefect just to be able to use that bathroom. It was not just because there was an impossibly long line for the girl's showers at the common room sometimes, especially prior to the Halloween feast and other such events. This place was incredible. Everything was made of marble and the bathtub looked more like a swimming pool. The shelves held large, fluffy towels and expensive bars of French soap, and there were dozens of flasks of perfume by the sink.

The place was spotless. Very few people were authorized to use this bathroom. Only the prefects, Quidditch captains, head boy and head girl had a high enough status to even know about this place, which meant it was more private. That was why Bellatrix had chosen it. She thought it was better to use that bathroom than the one in the Slytherin dungeons, because it was far less likely that anyone would walk in, especially so late after curfew. They needed privacy.

Bellatrix had told Cissy about her plans the same day she told her about the pregnancy. Cissy said she wanted to be there for her when she took the potion and Bellatrix agreed. She was happy she didn't have to do this alone and her sister never questioned her decision to have an abortion. Even before she had found Dorea's diary, Bellatrix had never even considered a scenario in which she carried the pregnancy to term. Having a child out of wedlock, before she was even finished with school... It was unthinkable.

The potion had taken several hours to brew. She expected it to taste bad, but it didn't taste like anything. Almost like water, she supposed, except that it was thicker. There was no mention in the diary about how long it took for it to work, so the girls waited. They didn't talk much. Neither of them knew what to say.

Bellatrix was scared. Dorea had described the effects of the potion vividly, and the side effects were unpleasant. There would be blood. It was going to hurt. Bella had told herself again and again that she could take the pain, that the important thing was to resolve this situation, but deep down, she was terrified.

The waiting was almost worse than any pain she could imagine.

After about twenty minutes or so, Bellatrix started feeling a sharp pain in her lower back. She tried to be quiet at first. She knew it was going to hurt, after all, and she didn't wish to alarm her sister. But the pain started to grow at an alarming pace. It spread from her back to her abdomen and she felt the hard ball in her stomach contract and seize. This was different from what had happened during her History of Magic O.W.L. Back then, the pain would come and go in waves. This time, it wouldn't fade away. It got worst and worst until finally, she let out a moan.

"Bella," Cissy seemed alert again, "what are you feeling?"

"It's nothing," she said, wrapping an arm around her lower body, "It hurts a bit, that's all."

"Where does it hurt?" Cissy asked.

"It's okay, Cissy, it's supposed to hurt," Bella said, closing her eyes and exhaling heavily. She decided to untie her braid, but her fingers didn't seem to cooperate, stumbling upon each other and failing to loosen the ribbon.

"What is it, Bella?" Cissy asked when she realized her sister was struggling.

"My head hurts. I want to loosen my hair, but I can't,…"

"Here, let me," Cissy, said, getting ahold of her sister's braid and untying it delicately. She knew sometimes when she wore a ponytail for too long she had headaches and simply loosening her hair was enough to make it go away. "Is it better?"

"Huhum," Bella agreed, her arms crossed in front of her stomach.

Cissy sat next to her sister, her back against the wall and she pulled Bella closer, guiding the older girl as she lay down on her side, with her head on Cissy's lap. Bella curled around herself, unable to hide her discomfort any longer, and she got through the next fifteen minutes of pain by squeezing her eyes shut and wrapping both arms around her belly. Cissy ran her fingers through her sister's hair quietly. It was awful to watch Bella in that situation, much worse than she could have anticipated, but she wanted to be mature for her sister, and acting mature meant not letting Bella know how difficult all of that was to her. It was a million times more difficult to Bella, and she knew it.

"I think I am going to be sick," Bellatrix said, making an effort to stand and walk to the nearest stall. Almost as soon as she got there, she gaged violently into the toilet bowl.

Cissy rushed to hold her hair. It took Bella a moment to catch her breath again.

"I need to check," she said after a few moments, and Cissy took a step back, understanding her meaning. She needed to check for blood.

"Bella?" Cissy asked, from the other side of the stall's door.

"No," Bella replied, opening the door to the stall. "Nothing."

"It's okay, it could take a while," Cissy said, but she didn't seem too certain about it.

Bella walked to the sink to wash her face and rinse her mouth. She looked herself in the mirror. She was a mess.

"I am going to take some more," she said. "Can you bring me some more potion, Cissy?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she answered, "I am sure. Please bring me the potion."

Cissy filled a small vial with the potion, despite her best knowledge, and took it to her sister. Bella swallowed it all at once. Then she held the sink with both hands for support again.

"It's going, to work", she said, looking up at her reflection, almost as if she was trying to convince the girl in the mirror of her words, "It's going to work."

"It is, Bella," Cissy agreed, wanting to believe the words herself, "Come, let's sit down for a while."

"Here, this is okay," Bella said, sitting on the steps that lead to the bathtub. "I'm alright."

"How's the pain?" Cissy asked.

"It's alright," Bella said, drawing circles around her abdomen with her right hand. Cissy couldn't see it through her sweater, but her entire abdomen felt uncomfortably hard.

Another twenty minutes went by. Cissy watched as her sister rubbed her midsection, less and less convinced that they were doing the right thing.

"I am going to check again," Bella said, standing up, not without some difficulty, and heading to the stall again. Once again Narcissa stood on the other side of the door. This time it took Bella a little longer to open the door.

"So?"

"Nothing. It's not working, Cissy, why is it not working for me?"

"I don't know, Bella," she said, helping her sister sit down on the floor again, slumping against the wall.

"I am going to take some more," Bellatrix said, reaching for the potion and filling up one last large vial with the dark liquid.

"Bella, don't. You took more than the diary said to already."

"Dorea was only a few weeks along when she took the potion," she argued, "maybe I have to have more for it to work!"

"I am not sure—"

"I have to," Bella said desperately. "It has to work, Cissy. This can't be happening to me, I am not ready, I don't want it!"

"I know Bella, I know, but more potion,-" Before she could finish, however, Bella was swallowing the entire vial.

"Now we wait. Now, this is going to work," she said, letting go of the vial on the floor and slumping back against the wall.

It wasn't even two minutes before she was moaning in pain again. She didn't even have time to reach the stall before the potion came burning through her oesophagus and she retched violently on the floor.

"It's not going to work. It's not going to work if I can't keep it down, Cissy," Bella said panicking in between waves of nausea.

"It's okay Bella, it's going to be okay," Cissy said, pulling her sister away from the place where she had gotten sick on the floor. She didn't know how to do a vanishing charm yet.

"NO, IT'S NOT GOING TO BE OKAY," Bella yelled angrily, pushing Cissy away, "HE DID THIS TO ME. I DIDN'T WANT IT! I DON'T WANT IT. I CAN'T—"

"Bella!"

"NO! I AM NOT GOING TO DO THIS, CISSY, I CAN'T, I CAN'T!" she said, and she hit herself in the stomach several times with her hands closed in a fist while Cissy tried to stop her.

Then Bella got sick again.

"Bella, please look at me," Cissy said, holding her sister's hands in hers. "You are only hurting yourself, please stop doing that."

Bella didn't say anything. She seemed weaker and weaker now, and she allowed Cissy to guide her to another corner of the bathroom and slumping down on the floor. She was sweating and shivering and she didn't even protest when Cissy placed a hand on her forehead.

"Oh, Bella, you're burning up. Did the diary say anything about a fever?"

"Give me some more potion, Cissy," Bella asked, weakly, trying to reach the cauldron, but unable to do it without help.

"No."

"Cissy, please."

"Bella, stop." It took everything she had to speak with authority like that. "You can't have any more, okay? Don't you see what it's doing to you? You are not well."

"But I need it… I need to get rid of it—"

"Bella, listen to me," Cissy said firmly, "we will figure this out, okay? We don't know if the potion didn't work, we have to wait."

"But if—" Bella insisted. She was crying now.

"If it didn't work, we'll find another way. Together. I promise."

Bella didn't say anything. She didn't have the strength to do or say anything anymore.

"Come on, let's get you out of this jumper."

"No," Bella said, holding the bottom part of the sweater.

"Bella, please, you are burning up."

"No."

"Bella, it's okay," Cissy said, desperately, trying to make her sister's fingers let go of her top. She knew why her sister was so hesitant. She could barely notice Bella's bump through her jumper, but her sister had told her before that she felt huge. She was embarrassed. "There's nobody else here. Only me. We need to cool you, okay?"

Bella finally let go and Cissy pulled the jumper above her sister's head, helping her get her arms out. Bella immediately used her arms to cover her middle, and Cissy didn't stop her. She simply picked up a wet towel and placed on her sister's forehead, hoping her temperature would go down. She could see the roundness on Bella's belly through her sister's shirt, but it wasn't as big as she thought it would be. She could only see it because the shirt was so form-fitting, but she knew how self-conscious Bella was about it. She probably would feel the same way if she were in her place.

"How do you feel?"

Bella just nodded, even though it wasn't really that type of question. Then she leaned forward and toppled to the side, laying on her sister's lap once again, her stomach a little more pronounced now that she was laying on her side like that. Cissy held her hand, while she twisted and turned, her entire body seizing, resisting the potion she'd taken.

"Shh," Cissy said, holding her sister's hand and stroking her hair with her free hand. "It's is going to be okay, Bella, it will be okay," she said, hoping more than believing that those words were true.

They remained like that for a while. In time, the strength of the pain diminished and Bella stopped twisting and twirling around. But when she checked for blood, the result was the same. Nothing, not one drop.

"Why is it not working for me, Cissy?" she said, crawling on her sister's lap, again, "What am I going to do?"

I don't know, Cissy thought to herself, but she didn't say anything out loud. She simply went on stroking her sister's hair, hoping the gesture was more reassuring than she felt.

Cissy helped her sister walk back to their common room at around four-thirty in the morning. The pain had all but ceased by then, and they had to get back before the rest of the school woke up for their first classes of the day.

When Cissy helped Bella get on her bed in the sixth-year girl's dormitory, she sat on the corner of Bella's bed for a minute. She wanted to tell her sister everything was going to be okay, but she didn't dare say anything out loud so as not to wake any of the other girls. Instead, she simply gave her sister's hand a little squeeze and kissed her forehead. She remembered all the times Bella had kissed her forehead to put her to sleep when they were both younger, and the memory brought a smile to her lips. Bella squeezed her hand back.

Good night, sis, her eyes said. Everything is going to be okay.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Bellatrix was alone in her dormitory.

Thoroughly exhausted after all that had happened in the prefects' bathroom the previous night, she ended up sleeping through the morning and missing her first lessons. By the time she woke up, it was way past lunchtime and it made no sense for her to rush and get dressed simply to go to the library since she had a free period anyway. Instead, the girl decided to stay where she was and enjoy the privacy of her dormitory for a few more hours, before any of the other girls came back.

Bellatrix was not sure why the potion had failed. After all the trouble she went through to get the correct ingredients, it didn't seem fair. She went over the instructions again and again in her mind to try and remember if she had skipped any steps or made any mistakes, but it was not possible. In the end, the potion was as clear as it was supposed to be. She had not committed any mistakes.

Why then hadn't the potion worked for her?

That was not the most important question, however. The most important question was: what was she going to do next?

Bellatrix had no idea. She didn't think it would matter, trying the potion one more time, and she was sure her sister would object to such a plan. Be that as it may, she didn't know any other way to resolve her situation. It had been so difficult to find out about that potion in the first place, and it was not as if she had anybody to ask.

If she did nothing, however…

Bellatrix wasn't thinking about any of that though. She was on her bed, half sitting, half lying down, with a hand placed over her belly, under her shirt. It was the first time she gave in to the urge to touch her stomach like that, and although the feeling of her bump scared her, she had to check something. She had to make sure.

A few minutes later, a small flutter of movement travelled through her abdomen.

Bellatrix removed her hand quickly.

It was not the first time she felt that. She felt it a few days earlier, for the first time, when she was on the train on her way to school, but it had been so quick, so slight, that she dismissed it as some unimportant bodily abnormality. It hadn't happened again. Until today, a few minutes after she woke up.

Bellatrix took a deep breath trying to stay calm and slid her fingers under her shirt again. This time she felt it immediately, those gentle flutters under her skin, almost in response to the movement of her hands.

Bellatrix started crying. The girl turned to her side, curling around her middle, unable to stop sobbing. She had not wanted to admit it to herself, but there was a small part of her that had hoped against all probability that the potion actually had worked. That that nightmare would finally be over. Now, however, the realization that all of that had been nothing but wishful thinking came crashing down on her like a ton of bricks.

Bellatrix was feeling movement… She hadn't been sure of it before, but now she was. It—It was moving. Inside her. The potion had not worked. It was—alive and well. And moving.

Bella cried. She cried because she realized for the first time the extent of what she had been trying to do just the night before. She cried because in spite of her guilt, in spite of the flutters of movement she felt on her stomach, she still wished it had worked. She cried because all of that was terrifying and overwhelming and she did not know what to do. She cried because she couldn't stop herself.

The girl would remain like that for a long time that evening, lying sideways on her bed, grabbing her sheets between her fingers and sobbing desperately against her pillow, aware, truly aware, perhaps for the first time since that whole mess had started, that inside her there was a child.

* * *

_**Author's Note** : This story has been Beta-Read by **davros fan** and **TheOnlyCeeCeeJ**.Any remaining mistakes are my responsibility. _

_I meant to post this chapter a few days ago but there wasn't time, I am sorry about the delay - my Star Trek fics were also delayed. Please expect chapter 9 two weeks from now._

_Please review! I would love to get some more feedback on the direction of this story._

_Live Long and Prosper._


	9. Chapter 9

_**Disclaimer** _ _: The ideas are mine, the characters belong to JK..._

* * *

N.E.W.T. classes were hard.

Professor McGonagall was the first of their teachers to bring up the matter of non-verbal spells.

"I told you when you were in your very first lesson that Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you would be learning at Hogwarts. Now that you have reached the N.E.W.T. level, it bears repeating. The magic you will study will be more powerful and the consequences of your mistakes will be that much greater. From now on, we will delve into complex transformations and switches, conjuration spells, trans-species transformation and human transfiguration. You will attempt these spells if and when I decide you are ready. Anyone disobeying this order will leave my class never to return."

Her green eyes roved over the faces of each of the students as if she was daring them to make a sound. Nobody did as much as to look at each other.

"If you apply yourselves, however," the teacher added, holding her wand at a ready position, "the rewards will be that much greater."

With an almost musical gesture, the Transfiguration Professor conjured a beautiful water fountain that seemed to appear, as if out of thin air. The fountain was huge, almost as tall as the room itself, golden and beautifully decorated with intricate images of merpeople and other aquatic creatures. Before they had even had the time to take in the magnificence of the fountain, though, the students watched as the small objects in their desks – feathers, ink pots and pieces of parchment – were transformed into living fish of several colourful varieties, that proceeded to jump into the waters of the fountain almost as soon as they'd sprung into existence. The small objects then reappeared on top of the desks of their respective owners, along with plates of freshly baked cookies, all along the fish continued to swim and jump in the waters of the fountain.

A few of the students couldn't refrain from letting out "ahhs" and "oohs" of admiration. All of them looked forward to being able to do magic like that themselves.

Professor McGonagall then walked around the fountain, picked up one of the cookies at the table of a Gryffindor girl sitting at the front and took a bite. Then she used her wand to conjure a beautiful crystal glass filled with water and drank from it. She took a seat at the edge of the fountain and looked back at her class once again.

"You will have noticed that I did not need to use any words to produce these spells. Non-verbal magic is an essential element of advanced transfiguration. It enhances your connection to the source of your powers and allows each witch or wizard to tap into the magical energy of their minds. Do any of you have any questions?"

No hands were raised.

"Very well. Longbottom, distribute these to the class," she said, handing a box full of slugs to a Gryffindor girl at the far right of the class. "Each of you will be given a slug. Your task is to make the slug disappear, using the vanishing spells you mastered for your O.W.L.s except that this time you will do so without speaking."

One would have thought that the class would have been silent like never before, given the nature of their assignment, but the opposite ensued. As soon as the Longbottom girl finished distributing the molluscs around, the class became a cacophony of chairs scratching the floor, books being pushed aside and a plurality of whispers and frustrated interjections. Many students were simply whispering the incantations instead of saying the words aloud. Turpin kept poking her slug as if the gesture could have made any difference, and several students were pressing their lips tightly to avoid the temptation of speaking out loud. Bagman's slug kept falling over the edge of his desk – he pointed his wand futilely at it for so long with no results that the animal had time to slide through the entire length of the desk all the way to the other side.

Professor McGonagall walked between their desks, offering helpful advice here and there and admonishing students for speaking the incantations out loud.

Bellatrix found the task remarkably difficult. Evanesco, she kept repeating in her mind, trying not to become discouraged by the slugs lingering presence on the top of her desk. It was only a few minutes before their time was up that she finally managed to make the mollusc disappear, a feat that rendered her five points for Slytherin, even though the slimy trail left by the animal was still on her desk after the animal was gone.

"Well done, Black," Professor McGonagall offered the girl a rare smile. "That's enough for today. Your homework is to practice non-verbal vanishing spells during the week. Use invertebrate animals as it can be much harder to do with vertebrates. Additionally, you will read the second chapter of A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration and write a hundred and fifty centimetres on the theory behind non-verbal magic.

The class let out a collective moan in protest. They had never had that much homework in the first week before. Professor McGonagall pretended not to listen.

Bellatrix wasn't listening either. When the professor had given her those points for Slytherin, she felt that soft fluttering in her belly again, like a soap bubble gently landing on her skin. It took all her self-control not to take a hand to her abdomen then and there.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Over the course of the first two weeks, it became clear that Professor McGonagall wasn't the only one who expected them to study non-verbal magic. Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts also started with non-verbal spells, and all of their classes seemed to have become significantly more difficult than ever before. If the sixth-year students had thought they were in for a calm period with no exams between their O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s, they were very much mistaken.

None of them grieved when they were told that the first Potion class of the year wouldn't take place until the third week of September, because one of the third-year students had spilt a corrosive draught in the dungeons and it would take Professor Slughorn and the caretaker's combined efforts for at least that long to make the room usable again.

The hardest part of the start of term for Bella, however, was dealing with the aftermath of the potion she'd taken.

She took the potion on Wednesday and spent the next day in bed. On Friday, shortly after the end of her first Transfiguration class, she started bleeding.

It wasn't much, just a few spots of blood on her underwear, and for a while, she wondered if the potion was having some kind of delayed effect after all, but an hour or two after the bleeding started she felt the baby moving again. On Saturday she didn't bleed at all, then on Sunday, it started again, this time along with some pain in her lower belly. The pain was distracting, more than anything else, and it made that much harder to take care of the mountain of homework she had to finish for the next week. The worst part of it all, however, was that it was intermittent. She was never sure of when the bleeding and pain would happen, which meant she often had to make excuses to run to the loo and check her clothes.

On the second Wednesday of the school year, she lay awake on her bed for a long time with a hand on her stomach, the dark-green-velvet curtains closed around her bed for privacy. The baby hadn't moved at all the whole day and Bella didn't know what that meant. The movement was so soft, it was possible she simply hadn't been paying attention. On the other hand, something might be truly wrong. She wanted to not have to deal with this anymore, but she didn't want to hurt the baby and she couldn't figure out how it was possible that she could be feeling all of those things at the same time. Her heart was racing and she felt a lump in her throat. What's wrong with me, she thought to herself, I want this to be over. I want this to be over, I want this to be over, she repeated in her head, her hand firmly placed on the protrusion of her belly.

It was nearly two in the morning when she felt that now-familiar flutter under her skin and was finally able to go to sleep.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

When Bellatrix woke up on the second Saturday of the year, she felt good. She was dreading the prospect of getting on a broomstick for Quidditch Practice at eight, but there was no getting out of it. Bella had already skipped the try-outs and the first practice session of the year and she was all out of excuses. She was worried but she did make her way to the field.

That first lap around the Quidditch pitch flying on her broomstick, however, made Bella feel better than she had ever felt since the first day of the school year. She didn't even mind so much when she discovered that the team's new keeper was Rabastan Lestrange, Rodolphus' younger brother.

Flying felt as natural to her as breathing. Bellatrix enjoyed the feeling of the wind in her hair and the way her broomstick responded to the slightest movements of her hands. She'd been afraid her… condition… would have robbed her of this as well, but no. Flying was the one thing that felt as good as it had ever felt. Since it was a practice session, Bella was wearing her regular uniforms, but now she would have to arrange Quidditch robes with slimming charms as well, she considered. She was so distracted by her own thoughts that she was almost hit by a bludger. In her effort to escape, however, she dropped the quaffle and missed the shot.

"Pay attention to the game, Black!" Elliot, the team's captain, admonished her. "Team, take five! Beaters with me."

She watched as the beaters flew towards the place where Elliot was so he could show them some of

his new strategies. She didn't even notice someone else was flying towards her.

"Hmm, Bellatrix? I wanted to talk to you-" Rabastan started.

"I have nothing to say to you, Lestrange," her voice sounded like ice cracking on the surface of a frozen lake.

"Please, let me-"

"Did your brother put you up to this?" She turned her broomstick to face the boy in such a fast movement that her body slid down the seat of her broom almost until she reached the metal attachments of the bipod. She looked like she might shoot sparks from her eyes. "Tell him to leave me alone."

Rabastan's eyes, however, had travelled from Bella to the seat of her broomstick and again to the girl's face.

"Ah, Bellatrix?"

"Don't call me that. I don't care what your brother told you, you do not get to call me by my first name."

"Rod and I—"

"Better yet: don't talk to me at all. Get back to the game, Lestrange."

"But you-you're bleeding," Rabastan whispered urgently, indicating the streak of blood that stained the seat of her broomstick.

One of the chasers flew by them with the speed of a bullet, sinking the quaffle into one of the baskets. Apparently, their short break was over. Elliott sounded exasperated.

"GET BACK TO THE GOALPOSTS LESTRANGE!"

Rabastan, however, wasn't listening. He noticed the way Bellatrix's eyes travelled from the stain in her broomstick to the other players flying about, and then to the people watching the practice session from the stands. There was no mistaking the fear that overpowered her. She hadn't noticed the blood until he pointed it out and now the girl seemed frozen, unable to speak, even to sneer at him again. He knew something was very wrong.

She starred at the red stain on her broomstick now, and Rabastan watched as the girl tried to slide to the front of her broomstick again in a clumsy effort to hide the blood underneath her. Halfway through, however, she seemed to remember that he was right there and she looked at the boy again, staring him in the eyes with emotions that he could not even begin to understand.

Emmett shouted his name again and Rabastan heard as the Captain made a large turn in the sky and started to fly towards them. He had to do something. He had no idea what was going on but judging from the way Bella's arms started to shake even as she held on to the handle of her broom, Rabastan knew no one else could see what he had seen. She needed his help.

Bellatrix didn't even realize what he was going to do until his broomstick had practically crushed against hers.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?"

"GET OFF HER, LESTRANGE!"

"BELLA, ARE YOU OKAY?"

It happened quickly. One minute he was hovering a few feet away from Bellatrix, the next he was zig-zagging through the air, his broomstick charging against Bella's. Rabastan did not crash against her, but it looked like he did and by the end of it all, nobody could tell exactly how the boy had ended up dangling from his broomstick, holding on with only one hand.

"LESTRANGE?"

"I'M OKAY!" Rabastan shouted back, mustering all his strength to pull himself up and mount the broomstick again. Even after he managed that, the broomstick seemed to make a couple of swishing movements to buck him off. "I lost control of my broom," Rabastan explained, and he didn't need to shout because most of the team had gathered around him by them.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST CONTROL? ARE YOU A FIRST-YEAR?"

Elliot didn't seem to be aware that there was no need to shout.

"You're covered in blood!" Stewart noticed.

"It's my nose," Rabastan said, cleaning up his nostrils with the sleeve of his rob and dying them with a long stripe of blood. The blood had dripped all over the front of his robs and his broomstick but it wasn't just that. Something had scratched the side of his face when he swung off his broom, and the cut was also bleeding.

"That's what we get for letting a baby into the team."

"Shut up, Flint!"

"I'm sorry, Black, I lost control of my broom. Did I hurt you?" Rabastan started, then he faked a horrified expression. "Oh, no, I got my blood all over you. Elliot, I think we should go to Madam Pomfrey."

"Go," Elliot said, resigned, "before you can do any more harm. You too Bella, better get that checked out. The rest of you, BACK TO PRACTICE"

"Come on," Rabastan whispered as soon as the rest of the team started to fly the other way, "we should get out of here."

"I can't go to Madam Pomfrey," Bellatrix retorted, and bit her lower lip almost as soon as she let the words out.

"Let's just get down."

Rabastan thought it best not to ask why was it that the girl couldn't see Madam Pomfrey. She was blissfully calm enough to get out of the field with him, and the boy intended to keep it that way.

"I'm sorry I got so much blood on you," he said, finding it difficult to stand the silence while they were approaching the locker rooms. "I used the hard edges of my glove but I didn't expect there to be so much—"

Bellatrix didn't say anything. In fact, she remained silent when they dismounted and when they walked side by side the short distance to the Slytherin locker room. She only spoke again when they got to the door and Rabastan walked in behind her.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I just—I want to help."

"I don't need your help."

"But you're hurt!"

"I am not hurt! Go away! And if you tell anybody about this—"

"I could go get one of your sisters."

Bellatrix seemed to consider that for a moment.

"It's Saturday, Cissy is doing detention for not handing in some transfiguration assignment."

"I can get Andromeda."

"No, she doesn't— I don't even know where she is!"

"I can look!"

"No, I don't want Andromeda to see this!"

They looked at each other for a moment. It was the second time in just a few minutes that Rabastan had the impression that Bellatrix had said more than she wanted to say.

"I'm going to stay out here," he said quietly. "I'll make sure nobody else goes in."

Bellatrix stared him in the eye for a few seconds. She turned around and walked inside the locker room without another word.

"Scourgify," Rabastan whispered, pointing his wand at his own clothes and making a smooth sinuous motion. The blood vanished. The boy leaned back against the outer wall and slid down slowly until he was sitting on the ground. The door didn't face the pitch, so he couldn't watch to the end of his team's practice session, but that was okay. They thought he was at the infirmary anyway, and he had a lot on his mind.

It was blood he had seen on Bellatrix's broomstick. There was no doubt in his mind about that. But if she was hurt, why wouldn't she want to go see Madam Pomfrey, he wondered. Perhaps, Rabastan pondered, she was just embarrassed. It was possible that she had gotten hurt in a silly way trying to dodge a bludger or something, and didn't want everyone else to make a fuss about that. It was possible that she knew how to fix whatever it was that was wrong. Bellatrix was a N.E.W.T. level student, and everyone in school knew she was one of the best in her year. She probably knew exactly what type of spell or potion would make things better and she didn't need Madam Pomfrey.

Yes. It was entirely possible that Bellatrix knew exactly what was wrong, Rabastan thought.

But then why wouldn't she want me to call her sister, the boy wondered. He couldn't figure out a good answer to that.

Rodolphus should be there, he considered, but even as the thought occurred to him, he knew his brother would be the last person Bellatrix would want to see. Rabastan was not a little boy anymore.

He knew exactly what had happened when Bellatrix had visited his home last Easter, and he saw the way the two of them provoked each other when they were at school. He didn't blame Bella. He blamed his father. His father brought out the worst in Rodolphus. Rabastan wished Bellatrix could see that.

When Bellatrix finally left the locker room, her eyes met his for a moment.

"This never happened."

And before he could say anything, she walked away.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

That night Bellatrix decided to stay in the common room for a while, reading. She had continued to read Dorea's journals during the past few days. After the incident with the potion, there was nothing else that was particularly relevant to her present situation, but Dorea had been an interesting girl. President of the Hogwarts Potioneer's Society, Captain of the Quidditch team, twice decorated as the most improved student in the duelling club. Not to mention her unexpected knowledge of secret passageways to get out of the school to visit Hogsmeade and her many adventures with boys.

Bella had reached the point in her journals when Dorea was eighteen years old, in her final year at Hogwarts. She wrote much about her classes and the types of magic that excited her the most. She used to correspond with many of the great potioneers of her day and she attached the letters they sent her to the pages of her journal. At first, Bellatrix couldn't believe that people like Hector Dagworth-Granger would be that interested in the ideas of an eighteen-year-old girl, but there the letters were, and in them, the wizard discussed his plans for the Most Extraordinary Society of Potioneers with her teenaged great-aunt!

Bellatrix had just finished reading the most interesting entry about the time Dorea had gotten in trouble with bowtruckles in the forbidden forest when she turned the page and found nothing. The next page was blank. She was only halfway through this journal and she thought Dorea might have skipped a couple of pages by accident so she kept turning pages, but they were all blank. There was nothing more to read.

Bellatrix closed the small leather-bound book and look out the window, into the depths of Hogwarts' lake. She didn't have to try too hard to guess what had happened. That last entry had been written in June. The last month of Dorea's seventh year. Bellatrix knew from the family tapestry at aunt Walburga's place (not to mention the extensive lessons on her family's genealogy when she was little) that Dorea had gotten married shortly after that to a pureblood wizard named Charlus Potter. There were no more of her journals at her family's library. This was the last one.

That was it then, Bella's thought. Dorea had gotten married and stopped writing the chronicles of her life. In spite of everything that her aunt had told her when they last spoke, it seemed like upon getting married, Dorea had in fact ceased to be a Black. She had certainly disappeared from the family library, Bella thought.

Then the girl was overcome with an inexplicable feeling of grief. She remembered everything she had read about her great-aunt these past few days. She had gotten to know her, and care for her as one cares for a character in a favourite book. Like she was a close friend. She had been such an interesting person, she had accomplished so much in such a young age, and yet, when she got married, that person died. It was impossible not to grieve her loss.

Bellatrix remained in her chair a long time, struggling with those thoughts, trying not to think about how she was probably going that same way very soon. When she finally stood up to go to bed, she noticed that someone had been watching her, though.

Rabastan's eyes met hers for a fraction of a second before he turned around and ran to his own dorm.

* * *

_**A/N:** This story has been Beta-Read by **davros fan** and **TheOnlyCeeCeeJ**._

_I hope you all are doing well considering this viral outbreak. Please keep reading, and drop me a few lines to let me know what you think of the story_

_Live Long and prosper_

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: I started this story a long time ago. I uploaded the first chapter in an old account (it was called Vulnerability), but I lost my password and could never access that account again to continue the story. I decided to start again and continue it here.
> 
> It always seemed to me like Bellatrix couldn't simply be crazy. There had to be a reason for her to become what she came to be, what we know her to be from the books. This story is my idea of the first events that triggered her descent into madness. I have another story, "Never let me go" that also deals with the upbringing of the Black sisters and runs somewhat in parallel with the events that will be described here.
> 
> I would love to receive some feedback. Please review and let me know what you think.
> 
> This story has been Beta-Read by davros fan and TheOnlyCeeCeeJ. I would like to thank you both for taking the time to help me with this story, and davros in particular for the insight into the characterization of Rodolphus.
> 
> Live Long and Prosper


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